Big Fish

This movie is fucking awesome. While some may call it “too sappy” or whatnot, I just love the little things. I loved how he literally walked through a hoop to see the love of his life, then there was Danny DeVito scratching his ear. It’s the kind of oddness you have to expect in a Tim Burton film…but it’s not overblown or unoriginal. It all works and fits together nicely. Billy Crudup, Ewan McGregor, Albert Finney, Helena Bonham-Carter, Alison Lohman, and Steve Buscemi are magical. If you haven’t seen this yet, you should, it’s very well made.

I saw three previews for kickass movies: Eternal Sunshine of the Spotless Mind, The Ladykillers, and Secret Window…. ok Eternal Sunshine…Jim Carrey looks awesome in this, what can else can I say. Ladykillers…um it’s a remake, so that’s a negative, but it’s a Coen Brothers movie, so that’s a positive, but it stars Marlon Wayans, so that’s a negative, but it also stars Tom Hanks. Man, who would of thunk it that Marlon Wayans would share screen time with Tom Hanks? Ok fine, I’ll stop dissing Marlon…he’s not that bad. I liked him in Requiem for a Dream…and Secret Window…Johnny Depp will no doubt perform Grand Theft Movie again, and John Turturrro is also in it.

Ok peeps, get out. I have to get dressed. holy shit, was he talking to us naked?

States I have been to

create your own visited states map
or write about it on the open travel guide

Not quite as impressive as Oliver’s…but I’ve been out of my home state.

The states I have been to the most are the ones around Maryland…obviously…since I live there….Virginia, West Virginia, and North Carolina are the states I have been in the most, in that order.

Do you like banana runts?

Yes, I must have bananas on the brain, but I have always loved banana runts the most. The other runts are just plain nasty. N.A.S.T.Y. Nasty.

Here’s two links I found that sell banana runts in a seperate package- link one, link two

Cute Little Poem

(via Phil)

A girl asked a boy if she was pretty,
he said no.
She asked him if he wanted to be with her forever,
he said no.
She then asked him if he would cry if she walked away, he said no.
She heard too much. She needed to leave.
As she walked away he grabbed her arm and told her to stay.
He said…
You’re not pretty, you’re beautiful.
I don’t wanna be with you forever I need to be with your forever. And I
wouldn’t cry if you walked away I’d die.

*tear*

Light Bulbs

How many drinks does it take to screw me in a light bulb? Just wondering.

Bush or Banana?

Now, let’s review. Bush, the republican president versus a very tastey fruit, the banana. A banana is loaded with potassium, is bush? No!

And remember, the world is watching.

HOW MANY ORANGES?

Wait, how many oranges? HOLY SHIT! That’s a lot of oranges!

The Butterfly Effect

I wasn’t expecting this to be any good, afterall it’s not a comedy and it stars Ashton Kutcher! But alas! Could it be that Ashton can really act? Is this really so? Maybe!

Ashton Kutcher plays this guy who experienced blackouts as a kid, and when he decides to read thru his own journal books, which he has kept since he was 7, he discovers he can go back in time and change his past.

BUT! Everytime he does, he wakes up and his world is almost completely different! Sometimes it starts out good, but it usually ends badly, so he justs keeps trying.

The only flaw this film has, is that if he keeps changing his past, how come his journals always remain the same? But, this movie is about time travel, so you do pretty much have to suspend disbelief.

I’d recommend this to everybody, it’s very entertaining, but it does have a little nudity (yay!) and some of the themes include pedophila, child porn, and animal cruelty…and dead babies. So, maybe this isn’t the movie for grandma.

Message from Kevin

Kevin: Outer space shows are for children and stupid people.

Venusians Cry Favoritism

VENUS - 1775, The De Milo of Venus touched upon in his State of the Planet address last night that Venusians are outraged over all the Martian favortism by it’s longtime friend and now rival, Earth. “We have rocks and dirt too”, cried one angry Venusian. “Maybe Earthlings just can’t withstand the heat, but afterall, is ancient Earthling Gustav Holst not correct? Are we of Venus the bringer of peace, while those nutty martians are the bringers of war?” Marvin, the leader of the major Martian tribe, did not return an instant message, but Jacque Chirac, the leader of the French Earthlings, issued the following press release:

“It is quite le obvious fact that le United States is more pre-occupied with le bringer of war, than le bringer of peace, please dear Venusians, accept my apology on behalf of my fellow Earthlings.” [The United States is another Earthling tribe]

In other news, Earthling band U2 has seized this moment to hold a charity concert already dubbed “The Rock & Dirt Fest” next month on the rock and dirt mound we Venusians have come to know and love.

MikeRoweSoft vs. Microsoft

If you haven’t heard, Microsoft is at it again, they’re sueing a teen named Mike Rowe, who added ’soft’ to the end of his name and then registered the domain, MikeRoweSoft.com.

Why does M$ feel the need to go after? Who would be confused by this? Mike Rowe’s business is website designs, not computer software, operating systems, web browsers, copying apple, fucking little boys, and games. There’s no confusion here.

Microshit has lightented up, but they still have some sour grapes:

“We appreciate that Mike Rowe is a young entrepreneur who came up with a creative domain name, so we’re currently in the process of resolving this matter in a way that will be fair to him and satisfy our obligations under trademark law,” Desler said.

Ummmm, there isn’t really a violation of trademark law here. The name is not the same, and the business isn’t even close to copying. If Microsoft wins, then Apple can sue Dell for ripping off the iPod and the iTunes music store.

Republicans: Shut up, we don’t care!

Blocking the overtime pay for 8 million hardworking Americans wasn’t enough for the White House. Now they’ve decided to block e-mails from concerned citizens who want to tell President Bush they are unhappy with this latest affront to America’s workers. Want to let President Bush know how you feel? Too bad, he’s not listening.

Next they’ll tell us we should eat cake.

via Kicking Ass and Oliver Willis

The 10 Commandments

1. Never stop Rocking.
2. Legalize all drugs.
3. Quit your day job.
4. All Religion should be taxed.
5. Cut down on carbohydrates.
6. Fuck her gently.
7. Never believe what people tell you after a show.
8. Always take a spoon full of Metamucil after a heavy day of eating.
9. Get at least 9 hours of sleep a day.
10. Eatin’ ain’t cheatin’

via Tenacious D!!!1

Dean explains explosive speech

“Some people also said it was decidedly unpresidential,” Storm said. “Why’d you take that tone after finishing third?”

Dean answered, “There were 3,500 young people that came to Iowa to work for me, and they worked hard. We didn’t get as many votes as I would have liked to, but they worked hard. I thought they deserved everything I could give them. And that’s what they’re going to get for the next eight days in New Hampshire as well.” more…

What’s the big deal about that speech? IT IS CALLED HAVING PASSION.

A candidate for President MUST HAVE PASSION!

Watch or listen to the speech again and pay close attention to the crowd, they loved every minute of the speech! LOVED EVERY MINUTE OF IT.

All the other guys running for president are boring, senseless people; Dean has passion.

The Top 16 Biblical Ways to Acquire a Wife

I found this funny as hell joke about the bible, here, I cut and pasted it for your perusal, but do not, under any circumstances, give me credit for it.
Covered my bases

Find an attractive prisoner of war, bring her home, shave her head,
trim her nails, and give her new clothes. Then she’s yours.
— Deuterononmy (Deuteronomy 21:11-13)

Find a prostitute and marry her.
— Hosea (Hosea 1:1-3)

Find a man with seven daughters, and impress him by watering his
flock.
— Moses (Exodus 2:16-21)

Purchase a piece of property, and get a woman as part of the deal.
— Boaz (Ruth 4:5-10)

Go to a party and hide. When the women come out to dance, grab one and
carry her off to be your wife.
— Benjaminites (Judges 21:19-25)

Have God create a wife for you while you sleep. Note: this will cost
you a rib.
— Adam (Genesis 2:19-24)
More…

An Open Letter to America

Dear America,

With the republican president, the republican majority in house and senate, and the republican majority on the supreme court, the republicans control the entire government.

So any problems that arise, take it up with them please.

Sincerely,
Bozzy
(this is how America knows me, duh!)

STOP STEALIN!!!!11

Alright stop, collaborate and listen– actually don’t…just hear me out…if you see a ‘1′ after a bunch of ‘!!!!’ after an internet acronym of some sort, please be aware that I started this. I don’t remember when exactly, but awhile back I started doing this, and nobody else was!!!!!!1 So please, stop stealing, because it is in danger of not being cool anymore.

35872 people have not acknowledged my invention
(okay I stole this line from maddox, but the 111s are all mine!=)

CatWoman?

What about DominatrixWoman?

Website mixup!

Ever wanted to combine CNN and porn? Now you can!

Supporting the Troops? Yeah, right.

Does anybody find it funny that Bush cut military funding, then just recently, gave more money to NASA for space exploration?

$12 billion over five years, just $1 billion of which would be new money for NASA. read more…

Yes, that $1 billion of new money to NASA could have been spent better on the troops, giving them great healthcare. But hey, Bush is not one to support the troops. What a crock.

Bush cares more about space exploration than giving veterans health care. I find that funny.