29
Apr 04

Booty Cupcake

Come and watch my booty shake, cuz I’m a booty cupcake.

I know it’s old, but it’s funny as hell.

Well, I suppose hell really isn’t funny, that’s where people are tortured and whatnot. That expression should change.

Funny as fuck? No, nothing funny about sex, well sex is fun that’s for sure, but not really hilarious. Unless it involves a midget, everything is always funny when a midget is involved.

Funny as a clown? Does it amuse you? Does it make you laugh? Is it here to make you laugh? Tell me what’s funny. I think that works, but then you’d just have people criticizing your Joe Pesci impression. So, back to square one.

Funny as a clown who is not necessarily here to amuse you, just funny, okay fine, funny as a midget. Geez.

28
Apr 04

The Snakeheads are back!

The real life creature that spawned the SciFi movie “Snakehead Terror” has returned to a Maryland lake.

WHEATON — A lake that feeds the Anacostia River will be drained Thursday because of the capture of a snakehead, a voracious nonnative fish could threaten the Maryland ecosystem.

State officials, however, said no other snakeheads had been found since the first was caught by a fisherman Monday at Pine Lake in Wheaton Regional Park.

The Anacostia tributary into which the lake feeds will also be checked for snakeheads, said Steve Early, assistant director of fisheries for the Maryland Department of Natural Resources.

28
Apr 04

Have Midget, Will Travel

Okay, so I don’t have a midget. I left home without it. Okay, a lie again. I am at home. But I really don’t have a midget, I swear!

I just forgot what I wanted to say. Fuck.

Help me remember!

26
Apr 04

She’s the Claw-fuckin-Master

I took my friend Jenna to the movies and afterwards we got addicted with a claw machine. Well really she did. I didn’t get any stuffed animals from it, but she got 8. Yes, 8. EIGHT. 8. EIGHT. 8. Get it? EIGHT!!!!8

Most productive way to blow $20.

26
Apr 04

McYourOwnAdSlogan

2for2.jpg

via Hoopty

24
Apr 04

Narc on Cops

Jason had an interesting encounter with a cop recently, and so did I.

Ah, it was this past Thursday night. I was on MD RT-108 in Montgomery County driving back from picking up some friends: Jenna, Alex, Stacey, and Chance. I had actually just pulled on that road, when very much to my surprise, all of a sudden, I see sirens and a big fucking bright light behind me. “What the fuck?”, I thought. I wasn’t speeding. I had just pulled on the road and was going 35MPH, which the speed limit is actually 40MPH. I swear, not 20 feet after pulling on this road, this cop felt the need to pull me over for no apparent reason.

But there was a reason, he told me that my tags were NOT registered. I called bullshit. Gave him my license & registration, he went back to his car to presumably jerk off to them or something. He came back and said the MVA (DMV to you non-Marylanders) fucked up when they renewed my registration, typing an O when it actually is a 0. If that isn’t sad and pathetic I do not know what is.

So I was told I have to get this fixed. But really, who gives a flying fuck? It’s not like they can arrest me for this error. They know it’s MY CAR and that it is AN ERROR. So I’ll fix it whenever. Who cares. And if I have to pay to get this corrected, then fuck it.

24
Apr 04

Malaguena Salerosa

I am in love with this song, from Kill Bill vol2, it just makes me want to dance. I have never been so in love with a song. Everything about this song is perfect. I wish I still knew spanish.

BUT. I do not. So there is babelfish.

That pretty eyes you have Underneath those two eyebrows Underneath
those two eyebrows That pretty eyes you have.

They want to me to watch But if your you do not leave them But if your
you not even let them blink.

Salerosa Malaguena Besar your lips wanted To kiss your lips wanted.
Beautiful salerosa Malaguena and decirte nina.

That you are lin……..da and wizard, Who you are pretty and wizard
Like the candor of a rose.

If by poor man you despise I to me I grant to reason I grant reason to
you If by poor man you despise to me.

I do not offer wealth to you I offer my heart to You I offer my heart
to You In exchange for my poverty.

Salerosa Malaguena Besar your lips wanted To kiss your lips wanted.
Beautiful salerosa Malaguena and decirte nina.

That you are lin……..da and wizard, Who you are pretty and wizard
Like the candor of a rose. And decirte nina beautiful.

24
Apr 04
23
Apr 04

Let the kid play football.

The Supreme Court, yes, the highest court in the land, decided not to allow a player less than 3 years removed from high school, to enter the NFL draft this weekend. What the hell is wrong with this country that petty cases (involving SPORTS, no less) are decided by the highest court in the land?

Why was this a matter for the supreme court?

22
Apr 04

Kill Bill….Gates?

Very intriguing.

I want them all to know, they will soon be as dead as [Bill Gates].

Cute.

22
Apr 04

Hypothetical Cows

Inspired by Mike and stolen from The Capital
More…

21
Apr 04

The Draft is wrong

This pissed me off. The draft is wrong. It makes no sense. Let’s see, you can’t get enough support for your war, so you have to FORCE people to fight in it. Gee golly, that makes a lot of sense.

If there is a draft, I’m not going. Plain and simple. I’d rather be butt raped by a large inmate. Then smoke two joints.*

Now, if the war is fought on American soil, I would proudly defend my country.

*Sublime reference

21
Apr 04

6 year olds and ovens don’t mix

HOUSTON — A man was charged with murder Tuesday in the death of his girlfriend’s 6-year-old son, whose body was found in an oven. Do you want to know more?

Oh my, I thought, that is so sad. And how exactly did your son get in the oven, I asked. And he said, “I put him there”.

Ah, the plot thickens.

Alright, first Kill Bill 2 reference completed.

21
Apr 04

Destructor? Yes.

I have a new nickname. Don’t worry, this has nothing to do with the domain name. You do not need to re-memorize bozzysworld.com, like I know you have. It’s ok to admit it, it’s a very cool domain and you think you’re cool just by knowing it.

But, please call me Destructor now. Everybody who knows me face-to-face can attest to this nickname. Whenever I’m around, things have a way of falling over. Even Julia, who is the only person I have met off the Internet agrees. I think she is thinking of this one time at band camp at Denny’s.

I AM DESTRUCTOR

20
Apr 04

It’s a squirrel!

Why did the squirrel cross the road?
More…

19
Apr 04

Impeach the Redneck

But, it turns out, two days before the president told Powell, Cheney and Rumsfeld had already briefed Prince Bandar, the Saudi ambassador.

“Saturday, Jan. 11, with the president’s permission, Cheney and Rumsfeld call Bandar to Cheney’s West Wing office, and the chairman of the Joint Chiefs, Gen. Myers, is there with a top-secret map of the war plan. And it says, ‘Top secret. No foreign.’ No foreign means no foreigners are supposed to see this,” says Woodward.

“They describe in detail the war plan for Bandar. And so Bandar, who’s skeptical because he knows in the first Gulf War we didn’t get Saddam out, so he says to Cheney and Rumsfeld, ‘So Saddam this time is gonna be out, period?’” And Cheney who has said nothing says the following: “Prince Bandar, once we start, Saddam is toast.”

After Bandar left, according to Woodward, Cheney said, “I wanted him to know that this is for real. We’re really doing it.”

But this wasn’t enough for Prince Bandar, who Woodward says wanted confirmation from the president. “Then, two days later, Bandar is called to meet with the president and the president says, ‘Their message is my message’” says Woodward.

Prince Bandar enjoys easy access to the Oval Office. His family and the Bush family are close. And Woodward told 60 Minutes that Bandar has promised the president that Saudi Arabia will lower oil prices in the months before the election — to ensure the U.S. economy is strong on election day. Do you want to know more?

Read that bold sentence again. THAT IS HOW BUSH GOT ELECTED. Saudi Arabia raised oil prices to make the Clinton-Gore administration look bad. That is why Bush started with a recession.

THEY SHARED THIS WITH THE SAUDIS AND THEIR TERRORIST SUPPORTING PRINCE

AND BUSH IS NOT REVEALING SAUDI 9/11 INFO!!!

IMPEACH THE FUCKING REDNECK

via Oliver

19
Apr 04

Oxycontin talks!

Rush Limbaugh predicts that Hillary will assassinate Kerry should he win the Presidency.

Hillary wants to be on the VP ticket so that she dispels the notion that the Clintons are sabotaging the campaign and so that she can also go out there and really be the star. She’d be the star because she’ll be the one bringing excitement to it. And, by the way, she’ll get all kinds of criticism and the Republicans will launch all they’ve got at her, and she’ll endure that. They know that they’re pretty confident Kerry is going to lose and if Kerry wins there’s always Fort Marcy Park. So they’re rolling the dice on this.

Okay Rush, get out of the pool, it’s adult swim now.

19
Apr 04

Smell the irony or something

Is irony when the CEO of fast food restuarant, notorious for bad cardio heath, dies of a heart attack? Now, I am by NO means celebratingDeath, what happened to McDonalds is truly tragic, yet I think he could have learned from coke dealers and NOT BECAME AN ADDICT HIMSELF! But alas, time for the McFuneral.

Okay, candle light vigil tonight at 10pm. Wait, no, they’re closed then, is 7 good?

18
Apr 04

Question

Why do women stay in abusive relationships? It is because they are weak. They need to get a backbone and ditch the jerk.

18
Apr 04

Howard Stern has the right to be heard

The big difference, of course, is that Stern’s offenses usually have to do with sex and language, while Limbaugh’s have to do with politics. Stern offends the puritan right, which doesn’t seem to respect the American tradition of freedom of expression.

You don’t have to listen to Stern. Exercising the same freedom, I am Limbaugh-free. And please don’t tell me that Stern must be fined and driven off the radio because he uses the ”public airwaves.” If they are public, then his listeners are the public, and we want to listen to him on our airwaves. The public airwaves cannot be held hostage to a small segment that wants to decide what the rest of us can hear — especially now that President Bush supports consolidating more and more media outlets into a few rich hands. Do you want to know more?

The right keeps saying that Clear Channel is a private corporation and that the 1st ammendment does not apply to them.

Fuck that. They are still in America, it applies.


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