YAY! Weatherman lied!!!!

I won’t miss it either. Well, it is pretty, but so are annoying girls…and in the end, they’re still annoying.

The Uncultured Right

This uncultured, retard has never heard of Chris Rock, yes, Chris Rock, the actor/comedian, he’s never heard of him.

Wow.

ToeJam & Earl

Back in the day when I was a wee lad in middle school I used to love toejam & earl, it was the best game evar. Two hip aliens cruisin in their “Rapmaster Rocket Ship” crash land on Earth and had to find all the parts to rebuild the said Rapmaster rocket ship to return to Funkotron. You cannot get any better than that.

People would get in their way, like the boogeyman, hola dancers, or an Earth-shattering opera singer.

Or sometimes they’d catch themselves on the edge of a cliff, or God forbid, fall off one.

And I always loved the connection it had to Bill & Ted’s Excellent Adventure, in that to advance to the next level, you needed to locate a phonebooth.

This is making me want to awaken the Genesis from it’s several year long hibernation and play it.

Constantine

Man, what was so bad about this movie? I heard so many bad things about it, that Keanu Reeves has another “Neo” role, that he can’t act, that the movie is stupid. All of which are entirely untrue. Well, maybe somewhat untrue, Keanu Reeves does tend to overact sometimes, but he’s still a decent actor. What surprised me the most is that in the film Keanu Reeves actually smokes. Sometimes actors will “pretend smoke”, but he wasn’t, I never knew he was a smoker…

ANYWAY, “Constantine” is a very entertaining film. It’s got a real good x-files presence to it, a great rendition of Hell and other afterlife folk, and some good comic relief from Shia LeBeouf. I also thought Tilda Swinton and Peter Stormare were brilliantly casted.

It’s a very well made film, plus the main character never kisses the love interest in the movie. How many movies have that cliche? Tons.

Go see it, and when you do, stay to the very end. Past the credits.

Create-A-Bozzy!

Create a Lego character:

thanks to michele
More…

The Right Way to Archive in Movable Type

Having been on Movable Type for about 3 years now, I know how to do things. If you’re just starting out, listen up.

The default way of archiving is pretty dumbassian (Yes, that’s my new word. Get used to it.), it’s just a sequential ID based on the last entry ID across all blogs. Hardly search engine friendly. What you need is to dirify! The Movable Type Manual mentions this, but it doesn’t do much in the way showing how you can apply it. So I will.

Here’s what you do:

Individual: <$MTArchiveDate format="%Y/%m/%d/"$><$MTEntryTitle trim_to="15" dirify="1"$>/index.html
Daily: <$MTArchiveDate format="%Y/%m/%d/index.html"$>
Weekly: week_<$MTArchiveDate format="%m_%d_%Y"$>-<$MTArchiveDateEnd format="%m_%d_%Y"$>.php
Monthly: <$MTArchiveDate format="%Y/%m/index.html"$>
Category: <$MTArchiveCategory dirify="1"$>/index.html

I know what you’re thinking… He forgot to explain what this dirify thing does! That dumbass! Dirify converts all letters to lowercase and converts spaces to the underscore “_”. I realize, I just smiled at you. Forgive me.

Then there’s “trim_to” which is pretty self-explanatory unless you’re in the special needs class. Hey, it’s okay, that’s why I’m here. It’s pretty simple, the number value you give it, will trim the number of characters to that number of characters. Capeesh?

Well, that’s about it, but as an added bonus, I’ll tell you the right sites to ping, along with the default blo.gs, weblogs.com, and technorati.com:


http://rpc.blogrolling.com/pinger/
http://ping.weblogalot.com/rpc.php
http://api.my.yahoo.com/RPC2
http://xping.pubsub.com/ping/


Of course, if you want to ping everything manually, yet all at once, there’s always Ping-o-matic.

Steak and BJ day is less than a month away

Good thing this year I know Steak and BJ day is not on the 20th…no confusion this year.

Yup, vanity blogging. Blogging the back posts.
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Attention Target Shoppers

You all suck. It’s fucking snowing. It’s dark. The roads are icy and snowy. Can you give me one good reason why you need to rush to Target to shop? Maybe if you’re going there to “shoot the shit” with someone you know, but even that’s pretty dumbassian. You’re a fucking moron. Do you not have cable? Do you not watch the weatherMAN on your local network affiliate? You knew it was snowing, but you just had to run to Greatland^TM to make that quick buy of Rubbermaid Water Coolers, because, oh yes, you gotta have your water cold, damnit!

What the fuck? That wasn’t your reason? What’s this, Timmy’s stuck in the well you say your reason is that you’re worried about being snowed in and not having milk, eggs, or bread? You’ve completely lost your mind.

Just the fact that you’d risk your life to stock up on “the essentials” when you could very well wait til TOMORROW, just goes to show that YOU DO NOT NEED TO BE ALIVE. That’s right, fucker. You don’t need to be alive. If you cannot wait less than 10 hours and do your shopping in the morning when the roads are PASSABLE, then what the fuck are you doing breathing my air?

I know what’re you’re doing, you’re fucking tailing me when I’m risking my life driving through the snow on a snowy evening. I know you’re stupid and dumbassian, but I thought it was an intentional thing. Guess not, you’re obviously mentally retarded, or unstable, one or the other.

Why was I outside driving, you say? I had to do a friend a favor. Because I’m there when my friends need me, I don’t spend time driving to stores, endangering lives on the way, shopping for shit. No, that’s not me. I’m not gay.

Anime is Retarded

It’s Japanese for starters. And the characters are totally un-Asian. They have big, American eyes. It’s like Michael Jackson turning white because he didn’t like being black. The Japanese draw anime because they want to look like Americans.

Plus Anime is mostly full of hideous girlie laughs, high pitched screeches that could probably break every window in a 30 mile radius or at the very least kill a kitty.

It’s okay to like anime if you’re a thirteen year old girl, but any year after that, you’re gonna need some serious psychiatrical help. Especially if you have a penis.

Anime is retarded. It’s a stupid hobby. Find a better one.

That really was a bomb? This is a sick world we live in! Sick people!

I know, I don’t normally quote Sinbad, but I pretty much have to with this.

Now, I am not surprised that somebody found my blog by searching google for “Kevin James naked“, because I just posted a review of his new movie Hitch, and then I posted about Naked dining. No, I’m not surprised by all that. I’m surprised that someone out there, someone who lives on the same planet, in the same solar system, galaxy, universe, as I do, has a desire to see Kevin James naked.

That’s how I justify quoting Sinbad.

Laveranues Coles is a Pussy

What a fucking chump, Laveranues Coles just came off a career best season with 90 catches, and he’s being a whiney little brat and asking to be cut.

He better have no qualms about returning part of his signing bonus, but let the btich go. His name is too fucking hard to spell.

Buh-bye Coles, let the door hit you on your ass.

Get Art Monk in the Hall of Fame

The folks over at The Warpath have a petition to get Art Monk into the Hall of Fame.

Sign it. Even if you are not a Redskins fan, sign it. If you follow the NFL at all, you’d know that Art Monk deserves to be in the Hall of Fame.

Hunter S. Thompson killed himself.

No, really. He shot himself.

I’m at a loss for words, so I’ll quote Fear and Loathing in Las Vegas…

Raoul Duke: We were somewhere around Barstow, on the edge of the desert, when the drugs began to take hold. I remember saying something like:
Raoul Duke: I feel a bit lightheaded. Maybe you should drive.
Raoul Duke: Suddenly, there was a terrible roar all around us, and the sky was full with what looked like huge bats, all swooping and screeching and diving around the car, and a voice was screaming:
Raoul Duke: Holy Jesus. What are these goddamn animals?
Dr. Gonzo: Did you say something?
Raoul Duke: Hm? Never mind. It’s your turn to drive.
Raoul Duke: No point in mentioning these bats, I thought. Poor bastard will see them soon enough.
More quotes from Fear and Loathing

Man, this is fucked up. And to think, all he had to do was find some po-lice and point his gun at them…

RIP HST (1937-2005)

Naked Dining

Can somebody tell me how this doesn’t violate the restuarant’s health policy?

It’s in New York City. That explains everything, or at least 85%.

I don’t think I could eat if I had to stare at somebody naked the whole time.

National Press Association

As soon as I can spend $85, I am joining the national press association and getting an ID which will give me access to tons of cool shit.

1. Obtain Press ID for the said price of $85
2. ???
3. Profit

Meet the Fockers and White Noise OR movies that I forgot to review

MEET THE FOCKERS
I wasn’t expecting much. Ben Stiller should star in every movie. Seriously, I hate Ben Stiller. With a huge undying passion. He can’t act. He does the same personality in every fucking movie. How is he still getting work? Put him on TV so he can be offically typecasted.

The only redeeming qualities about this movie are the interactions between Dustin Hoffman, Barbara Striesand, and Robert De Niro.

And the baby.

WHITE NOISE
Michael Keaton tries his best, but cannot save this from it’s horribly written plot. The movie has no cohesion, it starts out as a good thriller, but then really goes off the deep end. Plus, EVP is not as simple as the movie makes it out to be. But that’s okay I guess, horray for dramatic license.

Hitch

Did somebody I haven’t done in quite some time. I saw a new movie. But I didn’t pay. No, I’m still cheap. Luckily I have connections in high places. By connections I mean friends, but high, um….nevermind.

Anyway, Will Smith apparently took my advice! He didn’t play a cop! He’s very good in this, and he shows off his range. Kevin James adds a nice touch. Not really a big fan of Kevin James, never watched King of Queens more than a couple times, but he’s a funny guy.

If you like funny movies, you should see “Hitch”, it’s on sound moral grounds too. Has an excellent message behind it.

EDIT: I mean something, not somebody. Where is my mind today!
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Snowing without any clouds

Yesterday I was driving southbound on Route 29 (right before the Route 32 exit) and the next thing I see totally freaked me out. What could possibly freak _ME_ out?

Seeing millions of snowflakes, big snowflakes, falling to the ground, FROM NOTHING. The sky was about 85% clear. And the snow was coming from the south, and the clouds were on the north sky.

But thanks to good ol’ technology and Al Gore, I now know that it’s not that uncommon, and the world is not ending.

Everyone Loves Magical Trevor

Yes, because the tricks that he does are ever so clever…

Does size really matter?

Does size really matter?

So the average penis length is 6.16 inches.
The average girth is 4.84 inches.

More recent studies have produced the following results:
A sample of 60 men studied by researchers at the University of California at San Francisco determined that the average size of their erect penises was 5.1 inches long and 4.9 inches in girth. A Brazilian urologist who measured 150 men reported that the average size of their erections was 5.7 inches long and 4.7 inches in girth. More…

This will of course be followed by a “how big are you” thread, which in turn, will be followed by a “excuse me while i whip this out” picture compare thread.