31
Mar 05
I am completely and utterly crushed by the news of Mitch’s passing. He’s the same age as my sister. WTF.
He was supposed to be performing this Thursday thru Sunday at the Baltimore Improv and I was planning to go.
Weekend’s free guys.
Rest in peace, Mitch. In your next life, remember that you die after you come to Baltimore, not before.
Here’s a collection of Mitch-isms.
Update: 4/1 5:40pm
What’s with all these fucking rumors? The only article that comes up on a google news search for “mitch hedberg heroin overdose” is this one at blogcritics.org, and that’s not a reputable news source. All of the “real” media is reporting this as a heart failure. Can we wait until the autopsy is completed before spreading this heroin shit?
Also stop it with the “Is this an April Fools joke?” shit. Seriously, he died on March 30th. The news spread on March 31st. Just because you first heard it on April Fools Day, doesn’t mean it’s a joke.
Yes, I know he was arrested for heroin possession, but that does not mean he overdosed. Wait for the facts to come out. Then open your mouth. Don’t add insult to injury.
That said, what is your favorite Mitch Hedberg quote? Mine has to be:
Every McDonald’s commercial end the same way, right? McDonald’s commercials end like this‚ prices and participation may vary. Now I wanna open up a McDonald‚ and not participate in anything. I wanna be a stubborn McDonald’s owner. I’ll say, Cheeseburgers? Nope‚ we got spaghetti‚ and blankets! But we‚ are not affiliated with that clown. He attracts too many children.
RIP Mitch.
31
Mar 05
It’s international blog comment week. Guess they now have a week for everything, which only means that International Bozzy Lookalike week is right around the corner…
yeah.
so comment, bitches.
31
Mar 05
ROBOTS
There’s so many stars in this movie, but the best has to be Robin Williams, without a doubt. He completely stole this movie. Too bad a few of his great lines were stolen by the preview, but he did have enough to spare. All in all, this is a film kids and adults will enjoy together, for different reasons. It’s on sound moral grounds as well. It has a great message that everybody is spedecial and that everybody can accomplish anything. Take the kids, the dogs, the cats, the gerbials, and the goldfish, they can all benefit.
THE RING TWO
You cannot say that about this one. Take yourself, and maybe a friend, if you want to see him/her suffer a slow and painful death. 7 days? Forget that shit, this will kill you in 2 hours. It’s basically a continutation from the first movie, but uses most of the same gags. The big difference? It tries to get all Exorcist on your ass. That’s right, Samara now wants to possess Aidan! It’s not completely devoid of horror, the scene in which Samara climbs out of the well to chase after Rachel, that’s truly terrifying. But that’s about it. Can’t wait for DARK WATER. That looks like THE RING THREE. (That was sarcasm.)
GUESS WHO
Let’s give it up for racist jokes! Yeah! Okay, so this movie is clearly about race, and that pisses me off. We already have plenty of focus on differences, yet we need Bernie Mac and Ashton Kutcher to show us more? Okay okay, I’m being a hardass here, Bernie and Ashton have excellent chemisty and are hysterical, and it was too funny to see my friend Dana shout out “ASTRO TURF!” at the top of her lungs before any of the characters on the screen did. OMFG. She also enjoyed when the movie ridiculed the common myth about white guys and their penii. I’m going to stop there. Anyway, this is a movie you can take the kids to, it’s not too overtop with violence, and there’s no drug content. Yay for Hollywood, that’s 2 out of 3 today for kid friendly pictures.
30
Mar 05
What’s wrong, you know I’ve never driven before!
I’m supposed to be hiting the cones, right?
What’s the engine light and why is it on?
What’s that screeching sound?
Why is there a tree in our path?
It’s okay, I’m only my fourth mudslide.
The kid told us to go straight on til morning…
What the fuck does yield mean?
Ouch, don’t bite.
Hon, pass me another shot of Jager, I see a deer!
More…
29
Mar 05
I received this postcard in the mail today. At first I was taken aback because it says they’re “trying to reach me” and that they have “good news”, I thought immediately this was the California lottery (which I play DAILY!) informing me a winning ticket… Of course by then I had put down my shot of Jager and realized they would have called me had I won, and that I didn’t win anything.
I was still very curious about who wanted to reach me. So I did what any good American tax-paying citizen would do: I went to the neighborhood Google and they referred me to their website, aptly named Google.com. I didn’t think much of their website at first, it was just a few links and this bar thingy, but I played along and realized I HAD ALL THE INFORMATION IN THE WORLD AT MY FINGERTIPS! So I did what any soon to be evil dictator would do with all the world’s information melting on the tips of their fingers… I did a search, dumbass.
That search lead me to this place by the name of Enigmous, and it seemed to be about the very problem I had! “Eureka” I said so loud the dog ate the cat, out of shock, then spit her up out of grief, then ate it again when it realized the cat was dead. This, however, was nothing compared to the complete and utter surprisal which was to come next… THE POSTCARD THAT WAS SENT TO ME HAD LEAPED INTO THE MAGICAL SQUARE THAT HOUSES GOOGLE AND OTHER GLORIOUS COMPANIES. But I looked down and realized my postcard was still there on my desk, and that my shot of Jager was all gone, so I continued to peruse, acting as if nothing out of the ordinary had occured…
And I found out this was all just a magazine scam. Bummer. Fuckin’ telemarketers.
28
Mar 05
Granted I woke up at 2pm to do so, but I still feel great. I was out late, when to the ottobar to see grand buffet, they’re a fucking riot. I’d put them in the same category as Tenacious D, except rap instead of rock. Yeah, Grand Buffet is the rap version of Tenacious D.
Gotta jet. Til next time… keep doing whatever it is that you’re doing.
26
Mar 05
Here’s a little something I’d like to say is my contribution to the struggling musician, you know, how to make his band UN-SUCK and NOT SUCK.
1. Do not write your songs while you are inebriated. I know it feels good to be drunk or high, but this is not the ideal writing situation. You are not Edgar Allen Poe.
2. When you perform live, do not set the amp too high. If I cannot hear your vocals, there is no point in your songs even having vocals. I want guitar riffs, I want vocals. I do not want noise.
3. If I want to buy your CD, I will, you don’t need to interupt your songs to tell me so.
4. See #1
5. Your band should never have more than 2 electric guitars. Put in a bass or a acoustic guitar, or hell, maybe even a keyboard. Mix it up.
6. If your band tortures small children and small animals (large animals and children okay), then nobody will want to see you perform live.
7. Shouting is not singing.
8. Being on key is important.
9. See #1
10. If you take off your shirt, don’t throw it at people. It’s sweaty. Ick. Just leave it on, it’s very unlikely that your audience will be entirely female, so how about you not turn off any of the males in attendance?
11. Don’t fall through the stage. I know it sounds obvious, but it’s really important to mention. You won’t look cool.
12. Bert and Ernie do not make good groupies.
13. Farting on stage is not cool. Unless it smells minty fresh.
14. If you’re music doesn’t incite riots in the crowd, keep playing poorly. It’ll happen.
15. See #1
That’s everything. Can’t nobody say Bozzy never did nothing for the people. Keep playing good.
26
Mar 05
You can turn your blog into a book, an actual, real-life, book. Interesting….but I can’t see the point of doing that until you stop posting new posts…well you could release a new volume every year, I guess.
26
Mar 05
I <3 Loofahs
There is a heaven, and in it, my skin is smooth as a baby’s ass.
25
Mar 05
MIT nerds make alarm clock that walks… and talks! Okay maybe not talks, they weren’t that nerdy.
25
Mar 05
Mitch Hedberg once said “the only way I could get my old CD into stores would be to take it there and leave it.”
Well, that’s what this guy did, only he did it with his crappy paintings and a museum.
25
Mar 05
Japan to Japanese Youth Sumo Wrestlers: Sorry kids, you can’t wear pants to cover up your fat ass. By the way, you’re fat.
24
Mar 05
This is the issue that will end the republican majority.
You do not try to nullify a branch of the Government, especially if you are one of those branches. Bad. Bad. Bad.
(thanks to Oliver)
24
Mar 05
Just got back Fletcher’s, seein’ 7 Days Torn. They’ve got a grungy / hard rock sound, it’s pretty sweet. The songs I recommend (besides all) are “Flow” and “Three Kings”.
Also, BALLYHOO! played right after them, I just love “On My Own” and “Scarlet Blue“, love that sublime & cake sound.
21
Mar 05
I have a sinus infection, which is almost as bad as having a Linus infection, but it’s still pretty bad.
I just found out the Augmentin I was prescribed is going to cost me $90, that’s a little absurd, don’t you think? It’s also more than I can afford. Thank you, CareLast with your “pay now, submit paper claim form later” asinine policy.
If you would like to donate, paypal any amount to boz@bozzysworld.com. You’ll finally be able to earn my respect, or hold on to that respect if you think you already have it. ^_^
Update 10pm
I got $26 so far…$1 from Froggie and $25 from “Boanerges”, a poster on teh forums. You guys rock.
another update: 7:45am 3/22
Jason donated $4 to push the total to $30.
yet another update 1pm
I lowered prices for the blogads, just $10 for a 1-week ad. The most cost-effective is the 3-month ad, which is $70. So you can buy an ad to donate to the fund, and actually get something for your money!
shit, he keeps updating, tell him to stop 6:42pm
Thank you all for donating and helping me get my antibiotics, I used your money to get them. I only had to shell out $60 of my own. Much more managable. Thank you all.
20
Mar 05
I just thought of the PERFECT commercial for the Scion xB! It’s hip to be square!
Come on, it’s catchy, so viewers win, it fits the xB to a T, Scion wins, and it gives exposure to Huey Lewis and the News! Win win win!
I should work in advertising.
20
Mar 05
I was reading Google News this morning and I saw this mess about this woman named Terry Schiavo, who’s apparently been on life support for about the last 15 years. I think that’s absurdly cruel to do to a human being, to leave them alive when they cannot think or do the normal things we take for granted. It’s really just a matter of the family being selfish and/or afraid to start the grieving process, they keep their daughter/wife alive so they never have to do that. Lazy fucking childish bastards.
Furthermore, this is yet another incident of Congress wasting tax payer dollars for bullshit reasons. First it was MLB and steroids, as if the Government needs to be involved in sports…now it’s this fucking story. The fate of the country does not rest on Terry Schiavo, don’t throw money at it.
For a background of the case, head on over to About.com.
