New Orleans 20% Dry

You could say that New Orleans is wet…and it’d be true! Why?

The Saints have no where to play!

Gas prices soaring above $3/gallon

GOD DAMN YOU KATRINA, YOU NASTY LITTLE SLUTFUCK OF A HURRICANE.

Sorry, gas prices are soaring.

Holy Shiite! 841 Dead in Stampede!

Mental note: Do not move to Baghdad.

iTunes? Apple? Phone? To?

Rumor has is that Apple is about to release an iTunes phone, thanks to Motorola.

Not sure how I feel about that. Does our phone really need to dub as our iPod? Meh.

CALL THE FCC!!!!

Somebody said a bad four letter word that starts with an ‘F’!!!! On Fox News no less! OMG PRAISE THE LORD!

So what’s this about burying New Orleans?

I hear there’s a a category 4 hurricane headed straight for New Orleans? Freakin’ sweet.

Carry on.

No seriously, New Orleans is cool but this would be cooler. Think of all the death! CAN YOU SMELL THE DEATH? KILL! KILL! KILL!

Update!
The Superdome has been infiltrated!

How was the Unwritten Law, Papa Roach, and 311 show last night?

It was alright.

Almost went to a great show last night

Well, technically, I did go. The thing is that nobody else was there and I had to prevent Liz from committing public urination and flashing truckers.

So Lily, Liz, and I leave Reisterstown at about 5PM yesterday and head down I-95 South to go to the Nissan Pavilion, to see Unwritten Law, Papa Roach, and 311. Or so we thought.

First thing to go wrong is that we’re using Mapquest for directions. Not just the usual internet print-out kind, the CELL PHONE kind. Mapquest ingeniously directs us into downtown Washington. We got a great view of the Washington Monument, Capital Building, and the Smithsonian… but no Nissan. We eventually stop at a Quality Inn to ask for some directions, which were pretty good, so it’s not just a name.

Those quality directions tell us we have to get on I-66 west to exit 43b, which is about 50 minutes away! Unwritten Law goes on at 6:30! It’s already 6:30! Lily flips a bitch, “I’m missing Unwritten Law!”

But we get there, at about 7:45, to an EMPTY parking lot. We think it’s because we’re in the wrong parking lot, but as Liz was getting the tickets out to give to us, she notices a not-so-minor detail: the tickets say Friday, August 26th, not Thursday, August 25th, which is what the lady at Ticketmaster told her over the phone.

Oy. Vey.

We decide to just make the most of it. We take the scenic route halfway back– we use US-29, which turns out, is the same Route 29 we have up here in MD, it just gets a little mind boggled in DC, which is why we only took it halfway back.

We take Route 29 north into Fairfax, Va and stop at a Hooters and give the waitress a 47% tip! You know, like ya do! (Liz and I split the check and each paid $13.51, and we both deciced to tip $6.49 to make it an even $20.) So don’t say I never do anything for the people.

Route 29 ends somewhere in Northern Va or DC. I don’t know, I got confused and wound up on 113 or something and driving straight into the Pentagon parking lot and greeted by like 8 cops. They were actually quite helpful giving us directions to Route 66, even though we changed our minds and took 395 to 50 West to 295. Oh well.

Why do all the eventful roadtrips start out so innocently? I mean, I try to go to the simpliest of places, and it turns into a thrill ride! Okay, perhaps relying on Mapquest’s directions wasn’t the brightest of ideas, but how do you explain not getting the date right? Are you not supposed to rely on the lady at ticketmaster? I guess you just have to look at your tickets, but that involves taking them out of that envelope ticketmaster delivers them in, and that’s a purty envelope, I don’t want to mess that thing up!

Well I gotta go do it for real this time.

Seether and Crossfade at Sonar tonight

Tonight I’ll be at Sonar to see Seether and Crossfade! Hopefully it’ll go better than last time… I really don’t want to lose another pair of glasses. Playing pool again with Eddie would be cool though.

Since you’ve been gone

I can breathe for the first time… I’m so movin’ on… yeah yeah… thanks to you… now I get…what I want…how can I put it? You put me–

Is it wrong to be so addicted to Kelly Clarkson? I’m sorry, I can’t help myself.

Important News Bulletin

Where the hell is the fucking extension cord?

Crack and Guns

Here’s a joke:

You’re in Baltimore City (or any major city) and you get stopped by the police with some crack and a loaded pistol, what do you do? Do you give the cop the crack or blow his head off?

Microsoft determined to kill the Xbox

Microsoft’s new system, the Xbox 360, is being priced at $399. Way to go giving that market to Sony! You rock! W00t!

Hi Mom and Dad

So after three years, they find my site.

How many licks?

Mr. Turtle and Mr. Owl couldn’t find out how many licks it takes to get to the tootsie roll center of a tootsie roll pop, and that stupid kid couldn’t either… but my sources have told me that the number of licks is… 356.

Okay, that’s all.

Things I Learned on my Trip to New Jersey

I had a little weekend getaway to New Jersey this past weekend for like a vacation. Well it was really just to see some friends, but let’s pretend. First off, New Jersey wasn’t as bad as the first time I went there when I was in Pennsauken and crashed my car because nobody there knows how to merge into traffic. Anyway. It was cool, but there’s still those annoying aspects of New Jersey. I’ll explain:

–Only in NJ does 295 North turn into 95 South. 295 is like a beltway, but half of it is the western split of I-95. It’s pretty weird.

–Do not try to find a White Castle in NJ. It really is hard like in the movie. It’s really not in New Brunswick. That really is a Burger King. We could have gone to Cherry Hill, but we didn’t feel like dying. We really should have gone to Freehold, but for some reason, I didn’t want to. Heh.

–You CANNOT, I repeat CANNOT, pump your own gas. I thought surely there’d be a few self-serv stations, but there are none of those! New Jerseyites claim it’s to keep people employed, but we all know the real reason: people from NJ are too stupid to pump their own gas! Hey you! Get back in your car! You’ll kill us all!

–County Roads are more like the most traveled paths that people like to take. They could be called CR 537 or something, but they really are like 5 different named roads.

–Jug handles. No, they’re nothing sexual… unless I drove them wrong, but I think I actually got the hang of them.

–The Indian guy at the front desk at the motel had us believing that the price was $35/night, and we’re like, “Only 70 for two nights! Score!”, but then when we checked out, we learned it was 70 per night and the man at the front desk was now some white guy. I WANT THE INDIAN MAN BACK!!!

–To go anywhere involves having to drive at least 30 minutes from where you live. NJ NEEDS MORE HIGHWAYS!

–The cops around Pennington really have nothing better to do with their time. You have roads set at 25MPH intersecting roads set at 50MPH, when both roads look COMPLETELY IDENTICAL. It really makes no sense, unless if you’re a cop and just want an easy road to set up a trap on.

–And like I said, I didn’t crash this time. Always a plus.

But NJ can’t have all the fun:

–Delaware has no signs letting you know that you’re in Delaware. Maybe this no sales tax thing is bad. Give this state more money.

–Do not think you can buy cigarettes in Delaware and save money because there is no sales tax. They just hike up the retail price or tobacco tax. This isn’t supposed to be funny, so amuse yourself with this.

–While on I-95 thru Philly, you pass the home of the Eagles, Flyers, and Phillies. This isn’t really cool, well maybe it’s a little neat, but all it really means is easy access to flip all three off. Fuck the Eagles. Fuck the Flyers. Fuck the Phillies.

So um, yeah, New Jersey isn’t that bad. I mean, they no longer have that gay/transvestite governor!

Mac OS X for Intel cracked

I go away to New Jersey for the weekend (didn’t get online at all) and my friend Curtis “deadmoo” installs Mac OS X on an Intel machine. Apparently he created quite a buzz, just about every news site is talking about it, including Wired and G4TV. He says Kevin Rose of The Screen Savers will be doing a story about this in his next podcast.

Can I ask WHY?

Why do women insist on taking me with them to pick out vibrators?

Gas Prices Are Unnecessarily High

The average price of gas is $2.40/g for regular unleaded, but at the stations around my home, the prices are a lot closer to $2.50/g. Why do prices have to be so high when ExxonMobile is scoring profits of $7 BILLION? If you’re bringing in more money than you need, why keep milking the shit out of your customers? It doesn’t make any sense. And all you can do is sit back, relax, and enjoy being price gouged. Because that’s legal in America. Haven’t you read the constitution? Price gouging is legal.

Also, do not give me this crap that you could just find another means of transportion. “You don’t have to drive! You can ride a bike, take a cab, or a bus!” That’s fucking bullshit. What about truck drivers? Are truck drivers supposed to carry their loads on their back while they bicycle down I-95? Or maybe they could just throw their shit in the trunk of a cab? Or let some old lady hold it on a bus? Other means my ass.

This is price gouging and President Bush has made it legal in America.

They be crimpin’ mah ride!

Man, when I got my scion tC last August, I felt special. I felt like I driving something nobody else had. Now every fucking day I see another tC. It pisses me off. I had it first bitch, quit stealin’ mah thunder!

Fucking posers.