Bozzy’s World

This is going to be short. In fact, just listen. Do not go to Denny’s with gas. People will die.

That’s all. It’s good advice. Take it.

Okay, so I had yet another amazing night this past Friday (6/17). So great in fact that I’ve been too fucking tired to tell you all about it til now. I think you’ve dealt with those realizations pretty well. Patience is a virtue, never forget that.

ACT ONE
Alright, so Friday at about 5:30 in the PM, I leave Columbia to go pick up Jenna in Pikesville. It usually takes about 25-30 minutes, it took 60. SIXTY FUCKING MINUTES. The reason? There was an accident on I-70 East. I must have been at a complete dead stop for 10 minutes at one point. Nothing was moving. Looking back it foreshadowed things to come quite nicely.

The traffic Gods AKA MD State Troopers finally cleared the cars to the side and traffic started moving, and I was able to speed on I-695 West to Liberty Road as traffic was moving mighty swiftly. I get on Liberty Road, make a right onto Washington Ave, then another right onto Millford Mill Road, and right before Reisterstown Road I get stuck behind an MTA bus. First it’s picking up passengers, then the light turns red. After a couple grueling minutes, I am finally at Jenna’s and she gets in the car and we head back to Randallstown to pick up Lily.

I told Lily I’d pick her up at 6:30, but it was 6:30 by the time I picked up Jenna, so we got to Lily’s at about 7 in the PM. We stop at Walgreens to get cigarettes and Mountain Dew, and then head over to Reisterstown to pick up Liz. Once the last of the musketeers are in the car, we head back to I-695 West to Bel Air Road to go to a bar called the Mojo Lounge, where some local bands were playing. I didn’t see much of the bands and I blame the bar. For they had a pool table upstairs. After about 40 minutes, we decided to leave to go to a pool (as in swimming) party in Lithicum, MD off of West Nursey Road. We leave Mojos and get back to the car, Liz has to pee. It’s one of those really bad pees, apparently, and she could not hold it in. So she just pops a squat right then and there next to the car and tries to wonder up an ingenius new kind of toilet paper… she fails. Luckily for her, Jenna offers up her t-shirt, a t-shirt she will now never wear again, as toilet tissue.
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And at the same time, I guess it could have been the worse Saturday and it all started on Friday night at about 10pm, when I drove up to see my friends (Jenna, Stacey, Ricky, Rob & Jen) in Pikesville. I got there at about 10:35, and one of them needed to use my car, well two (Jenna and Stacey) actually, and they didn’t get back til about 4AM, and came in the apartment with the news that she (Jenna) just got sexally assualted at a local gas station and spent the hours of 12:30am to 3:00am at a Baltimore County sub station filing a criminal sexual assault charge. You wanna know more about the charge?

Well, when Jenna and Stacey were on their way back from Stacey’s parents house picking up some more of her stuff and gas money, they stopped at an Exxon along Reisterstown Road at about 12:30 in the morning (when they said they would be back, and had this not happened they would have been back to the apartment in Pikesville on time) and proceeded to pump some gas. But the nozzle thing wasn’t working. So this creepy Indian guy, about 50, who worked there came over to offer his penis assistance to my friends. He fixed the pump and they got gas, and commented on how pretty they looked and asked, “Is there anything else I can get for you two pretty ladies?” And Jenna jokingly said, “A free 20oz Mountain Dew” would be nice. And he said, “Go right ahead.” So Jenna goes and gets herself a Mountain Dew, and the guy grabs her, sticks his hand up her vagina and she says, “What the fuck are you doing?” He says back, “You can’t get something for nothing, sweetheart.” At this point she tries to slap him but he pins her other arm. Luckily, a Baltimore County cop just pulled into the gas station and immediately ordered this pervert on the ground. Jenna and Stacey followed the cop to the station to press charges, and were there for three hours.

When they got back at nearly 4 in the morning, I was tired of watching movies all night (Dodgeball, Dogma, and some of Meet the Partents), and Jen, the person who pays rent in the apartment said it was all her fault because “she dresses like she does” and that “she was asking for it”, which pissed all of us off, so we (Jenna, Rob, and I) went to the Denny’s in Owings Mills (on Reisterstown Rd) from like 4:20 to 5:30 or something. Which is the appropriate time to be at a Denny’s. Stacey and Ricky wanted to sleep and Jen just wanted to be a bitch (because she and the gas pervert seemed determined to make this the worst Saturday ever).

Then we wanted to play pool, but the only hall that would open before 6AM is Jack and Jills in Glen Burnie. So off to that we went. I’m glad we went, because I discovered I am best at pool when I am so tired that my hands shake and cannot keep the cue still. Somehow I manage to sink more balls, I’m not sure how that works.

We gave up pool at about 7, we decided to pick up Mike, who lives in Glen Burnie, and we wound up going to Ellicott City to look for an apartment (Since Jenna and Rob had a desire to move out of Jen’s after what happened) and Columbia to buy a 6-pack of Tropicana orange juice from Giant.

Back to Pikesville it was to sleep a little. Jen was still bitchy, so Mike wanted to leave after only 20 minutes, so we got back in the car yet again and drove him back to Glen Burnie, and then went back to Pikesville to sleep, and when we got back, Jen wasn’t there. We would have thanked the Lord accordingly but we all were so tired we just passed out after crossing through the threshold most people call a door. So I finally got to sleep at about 1:30 or 2 in the afternoon, and woke up at about 5 and hung out for a few hours before finally driving home.

I may move out there, because this shit is bananas.