That’s right. It’s sad. He was allegedly drinking with friends the night before. So to honor is death, sometime tomorrow, hopefully at the same time, drink some beer, rent “Herschel Hopper: New York Rabbit”, and attempt to buy heroin from an undercover cop.
RIP Brad Renfro.
A few years ago, my friend and her ex-boyfriend (then boyfriend) were driving down some road in their Mitsubishi Eclipse. (And why must my stories always involve a Mitsubishi Eclipse? I seem to be pyschically connected to that car.) I do not remember what road, but it was pretty big. For arguements sake, let’s say Route 40. If you take 40 east, you’ll go though the city and that would be convienant for him since it’s not a surprise to anyone that he loves heroin.
Anyway, they were driving. And it was dark. Very dark. And there this big truck. A very big truck. And it riding right next to them, a very big them. Okay, I’ll stop. So yeah the semi was right next to their car, and that’s pretty scary in and of itself, if you have ever been close to a semi. All of a sudden a deer jumps out into the road. The truck cannot stop. It’s not supposed to. They seriously are trained not to stop for anything, even a person, as they are too big and have too much mass and momentum to stop. They’re not going to risk wrecking their truck and cargo over a petty animal, or human. Yes, not even you, shutup. Let me tell my story, bitch.
So the big 18-wheeler hits the deer and the deer explodes, sending deer parts all over the wonderful Eclipse, making it no longer wonderful. They drove straight to the nearest car wash, but when they got home, they still had deer intestines all over the car. They had parts all over the front windshield, rear windshield, doors, windows, intenstines hanging from side mirrors, rear view mirrors… Okay maybe not rear view mirrors, but the car was covered with deer entails. Have a nice dinner tonight.
Let this be a lesson to you all, never never drive next a truck, unless of course you’re truckin’, you know, trying to break up a radar gun’s line of sight by driving next to a truck. But that’s another story, and it’s not worth telling. At least just yet, and to you. Sorry, you know I love you, all of you. Pleasant eating.
I am completely and utterly crushed by the news of Mitch’s passing. He’s the same age as my sister. WTF.
He was supposed to be performing this Thursday thru Sunday at the Baltimore Improv and I was planning to go.
Weekend’s free guys.
Rest in peace, Mitch. In your next life, remember that you die after you come to Baltimore, not before.
Here’s a collection of Mitch-isms.
Update: 4/1 5:40pm
What’s with all these fucking rumors? The only article that comes up on a google news search for “mitch hedberg heroin overdose” is this one at blogcritics.org, and that’s not a reputable news source. All of the “real” media is reporting this as a heart failure. Can we wait until the autopsy is completed before spreading this heroin shit?
Also stop it with the “Is this an April Fools joke?” shit. Seriously, he died on March 30th. The news spread on March 31st. Just because you first heard it on April Fools Day, doesn’t mean it’s a joke.
Yes, I know he was arrested for heroin possession, but that does not mean he overdosed. Wait for the facts to come out. Then open your mouth. Don’t add insult to injury.
That said, what is your favorite Mitch Hedberg quote? Mine has to be:
Every McDonald’s commercial end the same way, right? McDonald’s commercials end like this‚ prices and participation may vary. Now I wanna open up a McDonald‚ and not participate in anything. I wanna be a stubborn McDonald’s owner. I’ll say, Cheeseburgers? Nope‚ we got spaghetti‚ and blankets! But we‚ are not affiliated with that clown. He attracts too many children.
It’s not too late for a little reflection, it’s only 21 days into 2005. Here’s the summary of the past 12 months…
January: Britney Spears gets married, then annulled. I bought 4lbs of banana runts. Ecstatic for the rest of the year when I find out Joe Gibbs came back to coaching the Redskins. Dean screams…TO BE ABLE TO BE HEARD OVER THE LOUD ASS CROWD.
Febuary: Janet’s titty says hello.I tried to find a new job. Failed. Mel Gibson creates a stir.
March: Kerry takes the democratic nomination. Civilization as we know it ends, I get jury duty.
April: I got free pretzels. Kill Bill vol2 hits theaters. I see it three times.
May: I don’t post much because of Jenna May. I know, that means nothing to you. Next month.
June: I find out Jenna is on heroin. Ronald Reagan dies, OJ goes on TV to say “it wasn’t me”. Julia and I meet ‘freedomtickler’ from the forums at Fletcher’s.
July: Marlon Brando dies. I get drunk off my ass. Those two are not related. I get a flat tire. I want to go to Otakon, but don’t.
August: NEW CAR! Vacation. Update Movable Type. It was a slow month.
September: Mac Culkin gets arrested for doin Mary Jane. Conan set to replace leno in 2009. I see movies.
October: What about Poland? I shocked the world; bought a PC. Jon Stewart pwns Tucker Carlson. Redsox win the series. Jenna got out of jail.
November: Fuck Bush. Dental implants procedure (started in 2003) completed.
December: Possible cure for HIV is found. I almost crash on route 40 in the snow, because of stupid driver.
There, if you want more detail read the monthly archives.
Well, for the most part. A police helicopter just stopped circling around my neighborhood, it made the circle about 15 times. Looked like it was circling over the Phelps Luck part of Long Reach village. Hmm, I wonder why. I know a couple heroin addicts who live there…lmao
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