Friday, December 3, 2004

The Day Julia Roberts Flew Southwest Airlines: The 1st in the Buzz Index Series

Once upon a time, Julia Roberts boarded a flight, a Southwest Airlines flight. Why was she boarding this flight, this Southwest Airlines flight you ask? She was flying with big shot CEO of Annualcreditreport.com, they were on their way to the premiere of Mary Poppins at the Crystal Palace. "Oh, what a premiere this is going to be", said Ms. Roberts. "Indeed.", said the big shot CEO of Annualcreditreport.com.

Halfway through the flight, Julia Roberts could not stop going on and on about how she was about to give birth to twins, so the big shot CEO of Annualcreditreport.com, decided to to watch some TV. The in-flight movie was "The Princess and the Marine"! "Oh wonderful rapture of wondefulous* rapture", proclaimed the big shot CEO of Annualcreditreport.com! This has been his favorite movie ever since his 3 hour affair with Lindsay Lohan!* Which really was only an hour, for it happened on the last Southwest Airlines flight this big shot CEO of Annualcreditreport.com flew on, and once you factor in the time zones and Mark Cuban's giant statue of Kim Delaney, it was really only an hour and fifteen minutes.

Anyway, moving right along, Julia Roberts never noticed her new friend, the big shot CEO of Annualcreditreport.com was no longer listening to her babble about having twins, and he now had on a pair of headphones that were given to him by Suge Knight at the Source Awards after-party, in which he and Jenna Elfman got into a long, drawn out, philosophical debate about pornography and fruit. It was very juicy*, indeed.

"My God! You're not even listening to me at all!", cried Julia Roberts as she finally noticed her friend, the big shot CEO of Annualcreditreport.com wasn't listening to her babble about her having twins. But she soon forgave him, as "The Princess and the Marine" was just ending and her friend, the big shot CEO of Annualcreditreport.com put down the headphones given to him by Suge Knight at the Source Awards after-party in which he had that long debate with that Dharma & Greg girl, and actually started listening to this large pregnant actress talk about being pregnant, again.

But then he, the big shot CEO of Annualcreditreport.com, immediately thought of cheat codes for The Sims 2, "Aha! Now I can beat the game!" ... "Beat what game?" Asked the large pregnant actress who sometimes goes by the name Julia Roberts. But it was no use, by the time Julia Roberts spoke, the big shot CEO of Annualcreditreport.com was already tuning into the Washington Wizards game, on the portable radio he received by winning the Dan Rather-Tom Brokaw bet at work. Just what is this Dan Rather-Tom Brokaw bet? Nobody knows much, except it involved Ole Miss Football and Martina Hingis' bodyguard. Yes, we are intrigued.

At the sight of her new best friend, the big shot CEO of Annualcreditreport.com, ignoring her to no end, she got up immediately and exited* the plane. Forgetting that it was still airborne, and the reason why she was even flying to begin with, to see the premiere of Mary Poppins at the Crystal Palace! We believe Julia Roberts' last words were, "Fuck it, this is the last time I ever fly Southwest and listen to Sheryl Crow the night before."

This has been a Yahoo! Buzz Index story. Yahoo! Does not endorse or condone any of the depictions depicted in this story. From what I gather from my own common sense, neither does Julia Roberts, the big shot CEO of Annualcreditreport.com, Lindsay Lohan, Mark Cuban, Kim Delaney (or the statue), Suge Knight, Jenna Elfman, the makers of "The Princess and the Marine" and "The Sims 2", Dan Rather, Tom Brokaw, Martina Hingis, and Sheryl Crow, but Mary Poppins fully endorses the depictions this story depicts.


1. Yes, wonderfulous is not a word, jackass.
2. By the way, there will be an in-dept report by Brian Williams. And he doesn't endorse this either.
3. Yes, I am aware that is a very bad pun and I am evil.
4. Don't worry, we saved the babies.

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