Attention Target Shoppers

You all suck. It's fucking snowing. It's dark. The roads are icy and snowy. Can you give me one good reason why you need to rush to Target to shop? Maybe if you're going there to "shoot the shit" with someone you know, but even that's pretty dumbassian. You're a fucking moron. Do you not have cable? Do you not watch the weatherMAN on your local network affiliate? You knew it was snowing, but you just had to run to Greatland^TM to make that quick buy of Rubbermaid Water Coolers, because, oh yes, you gotta have your water cold, damnit!

What the fuck? That wasn't your reason? What's this, Timmy's stuck in the well you say your reason is that you're worried about being snowed in and not having milk, eggs, or bread? You've completely lost your mind.

Just the fact that you'd risk your life to stock up on "the essentials" when you could very well wait til TOMORROW, just goes to show that YOU DO NOT NEED TO BE ALIVE. That's right, fucker. You don't need to be alive. If you cannot wait less than 10 hours and do your shopping in the morning when the roads are PASSABLE, then what the fuck are you doing breathing my air?

I know what're you're doing, you're fucking tailing me when I'm risking my life driving through the snow on a snowy evening. I know you're stupid and dumbassian, but I thought it was an intentional thing. Guess not, you're obviously mentally retarded, or unstable, one or the other.

Why was I outside driving, you say? I had to do a friend a favor. Because I'm there when my friends need me, I don't spend time driving to stores, endangering lives on the way, shopping for shit. No, that's not me. I'm not gay.