The Knock On Wood Story

It started so innocently, a few days before Labor Day 2003 I was driving with my friends Jenna and Stacey on the way to New Jersey. Yes, we now know that traveling to New Jersey is wrong and stupid, but we were younger and we didn't know any better. I hope you can forgive us and let us move on in our lives.

During the trip, something was said by myself, I cannot remember what it is exactly, but that is not the point, the point is that I did not want to be jinxed. Why? Being jinxed is pretty bad. You can't talk until the person who jinxed you unjinxes you, or you may just get a case of serious bad luck. Either way, it is to be avoided. I'm pretty sure you all are familiar with the concept. If not, well, ask somebody else.

So I said something, again I do not remember, and again, this is not the point, if this were the point, we'd be living on Mars by now. Are we living on Mars? No, we are not. Shutup. After I said what I said, I couldn't just let it be, as I could ruin my chances for ever having what I said again, I had to act drastically. I had to knock on wood, because knocking on wood is a way to basically say, "Hey, I just said I wouldn't crash this car, but what if I do, that would suck, and I'd be wrong, I better knock on wood." Note: It was nothing about crashing a car. Really. I honestly do not remember, but if you are female and send me your nude picture, I just may remember.

Only problem: We were in a car. Maybe the cars in your world have wood in them, but mine does not. This was getting to be a big dilemma, and I would not stand for it any longer. I quickly realized, there was wood in the car. I was in a car with two hot girls. Well, one very hot girl and the other... uh well... we'll just call her Stacey and move on. So I was in the car with one hot girl, and I think you know where I am going with this. No? There was wood in the car... I was in a car with a hot girl... I was getting aroused... Geez, still nothing? I had a hardon. And I quickly knocked the wood and the phrase "knock on wood" has been cemented in pop culture ever since.

It's also been a royal pain the ass, too. See, Jenna, Stacey, and well everybody we told, loved this so much. Lily loved it a little too much. Are you following me? Basically what turned to be a life saver has turned into a painful game involving Bozzy's twig and berries, and you could say that knocking on wood that first time did not do anything to remove the jinx and in fact brought more bad luck, but I say otherwise. While it may be painful for awhile, it's still nice to have people fixated on my jewels... -- I just got a craving for pickles, BYE!