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Why does this never happen when I need to fly?

US Airways sucks at the Internet, sells flights for only $1.86 plus fees. Way to go US Airways, way to go. You're the suckiest suck that ever sucked.

IN OTHER NEWS...
Indians married two trees, need not fret, Tom DeLay, they weren't both male.
Patient dies during heart surgery of heart failure, but we want to point out that it wasn't because he caught on fire during the surgery.
Police officer: God damnit, who the fuck replaced all my cocaine with sugar?!
Worst written article of the year: Did they arrest the fans or the crew? It doesn't say!!! BAD, WRITER, BAD!
This surfer doesn't stop for sharks.
Soon you will be able to lick the screen and actually lick a porn star.
Update on the Wendy's chicken finger story: Woman apparently got too close to a leopard, then decided to blame it on Wendy. (Thanks Jason)
Where the fuck is the red key?
This is the ultimate beer bong. I guess it is, I mean, who really knows?
Take me to your bugs: Or shall I say, Agathidium bushi Miller and Wheeler, Agathidium cheneyi Miller and Wheeler and Agathidium rumsfeldi Miller and Wheeler.

Again, keep doing whatever it is that you're doing.
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