Last night was like whoa

So I went to the movies with Jenna last night. We saw Cinderella Man, which was actually pretty great, after which we picked up Lily and the three of us went to Liz's... And that's where the night really started.

We all were just talking first, but then they all [editor's note: I did not buy any alcolhol] decided to go get some alcohol, leaving me alone in the apartment with a sleeping grandmother in the other room. A senile grandmother. Fun. But luckily, nothing happened. I shaked my fist at thee. They get back with the booze after about 20 minutes, and we watched some family guy, then played an innocent little drinking game.

Okay, I lied. It wasn't so innocent. We all wound up topless. Not bad considering I was the only guy til Vinny came home from work at 2am... not bad at all. So we were drinking. Well, I wasn't drinking. I just had a few sips, so I guess you could say they were drinking, and I was sipping. I was the designated driver, afterall. Yeah, applaud that. I hate you.

So they kept drinking, and I kept sipping, and then somehow I wound up down to my skivvies. Luckily for me, the game ended pretty much right after that. It wasn't because I was 90% naked, it was because Vinny came home and wanted to sleep, and also Jenna started camping out by The Porcelain God. Which she didn't do enough of, apparently. More into that one in a hot second.

It's 4:30am and I leave with Lily and Jenna, to drive them home, but they apparently weren't done with the fun, even though they had enough liquid fun in their system to last for a couple decades, if used sparingly and appropriately. No, they said they could do more. They got Liz to give them eggs, and they started egging parked cars as we drove by. Yeah, they get amused way too easily. [editor's note: I had nothing to do with that, I told them it was stupid, but they didn't listen.]

After about 10 minutes, they finally ran out of eggs (thank God) and we were at Lily's house. She got out and I drove Jenna home. This is where things took a turn. She's barely conscious for the trip back to her apartment. She's so flipping drunk. I have NEVER seen her this drunk. NEVER. But she makes it all the way back without throwing up. Well, sorta. I pull into the parking lot right in front of the apartment complex, and she tries to lean outside the passenger window to vomit up the fun she saved up all night, but she doesn't quite get far enough into the window, and SHE PUKES IN MY CAR. She heaves once, then decides she'll at least open the door some so it's slightly ajar, but she is still sitting in the car. The smell hits me and I start some dry heaves. I run into the apartment and get some paper towels, she runs in and hugs her Porcelain God, I go back out and do the best I could to clean my car enough so I could drive home without smelling puke the entire time. I was on my way home by 5:24am, and I was in my bed asleep by 6AM. What a night.

What a fucking night. Like whoa.


  1. That's a hella funny story. Of course, it could have been worse, right? The Grandma could have come out and started drinking as well and participated in the topless "fun".

    The horror.... the horror....

  2. Dammit! I came to post a shocking "topless grandma" post, but I was beaten to it! Curse you Wind and your blowy-ness!

    So awesome story dude! Drinking stories are always the best!

  3. Ugh....I remember that.

    Horrible night. Fun, but horrible.

    Back when I could kill a pint of Jack and be piss drunk.....*sigh*

  4. Yeah but at the pool party Liz drank most of your Jack and all of her Mad Dog 20/20... and then sat in a position that is enticing to men.


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