Tuesday, August 16, 2005

Things I Learned on my Trip to New Jersey

I had a little weekend getaway to New Jersey this past weekend for like a vacation. Well it was really just to see some friends, but let's pretend. First off, New Jersey wasn't as bad as the first time I went there when I was in Pennsauken and crashed my car because nobody there knows how to merge into traffic. Anyway. It was cool, but there's still those annoying aspects of New Jersey. I'll explain:

--Only in NJ does 295 North turn into 95 South. 295 is like a beltway, but half of it is the western split of I-95. It's pretty weird.

--Do not try to find a White Castle in NJ. It really is hard like in the movie. It's really not in New Brunswick. That really is a Burger King. We could have gone to Cherry Hill, but we didn't feel like dying. We really should have gone to Freehold, but for some reason, I didn't want to. Heh.

--You CANNOT, I repeat CANNOT, pump your own gas. I thought surely there'd be a few self-serv stations, but there are none of those! New Jerseyites claim it's to keep people employed, but we all know the real reason: people from NJ are too stupid to pump their own gas! Hey you! Get back in your car! You'll kill us all!

--County Roads are more like the most traveled paths that people like to take. They could be called CR 537 or something, but they really are like 5 different named roads.

--Jug handles. No, they're nothing sexual... unless I drove them wrong, but I think I actually got the hang of them.

--The Indian guy at the front desk at the motel had us believing that the price was $35/night, and we're like, "Only 70 for two nights! Score!", but then when we checked out, we learned it was 70 per night and the man at the front desk was now some white guy. I WANT THE INDIAN MAN BACK!!!

--To go anywhere involves having to drive at least 30 minutes from where you live. NJ NEEDS MORE HIGHWAYS!

--The cops around Pennington really have nothing better to do with their time. You have roads set at 25MPH intersecting roads set at 50MPH, when both roads look COMPLETELY IDENTICAL. It really makes no sense, unless if you're a cop and just want an easy road to set up a trap on.

--And like I said, I didn't crash this time. Always a plus.

But NJ can't have all the fun:

--Delaware has no signs letting you know that you're in Delaware. Maybe this no sales tax thing is bad. Give this state more money.

--Do not think you can buy cigarettes in Delaware and save money because there is no sales tax. They just hike up the retail price or tobacco tax. This isn't supposed to be funny, so amuse yourself with this.

--While on I-95 thru Philly, you pass the home of the Eagles, Flyers, and Phillies. This isn't really cool, well maybe it's a little neat, but all it really means is easy access to flip all three off. Fuck the Eagles. Fuck the Flyers. Fuck the Phillies.

So um, yeah, New Jersey isn't that bad. I mean, they no longer have that gay/transvestite governor!

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