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Showing posts from 2007

Cop Accidentally Tasers Himself While Arresting Suspect

Looks like the tables have turned... read more | digg story

Playoffs, Baby!

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The Redskins beat the Cowgirls 27-6. I don't wanna hear how the cowboys starters didn't play, they played for almost 3 full quarters.. and all Dallas could get on the ground was ONE RUSH YARD . That's right ONE.

Bill Belichick = Anne Ramsey?

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Is it just me or does Patriots head coach Bill Belichick look like Mama Fratelli from The Goonies? It's just uncanny. And as much as it pains me to say this... Go Giants.

Don't hit your head on the sign warning you about hitting your head on the sign.

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Impeach Cheney now! Wexler OpEd in the Philadelphia Inquirer

Finally a news organization has the balls to write about something worthwhile. Cheney committed crimes. There's no denying that. read more | digg story

Merry Christmas!! Now watch Mario

And now for something completely different...

12 Reasons Why You Should Have Sex Tonight

"Believe it or not, huffing and puffing your way through a hot, sweat-inducing sex session may be far more beneficial to your overall health than the time you spend on the treadmill." -- FOXNEWS Did a flock of monkeys just fly over a rainbow?! Sometimes I love Foxnews. read more | digg story

Brawndo -- The Thirst Mutilator!

Life really does imitate art.

Let's predict Iowa!

Oliver Willis inspired this post, and I have to agree with him on the democrats with John Edwards winning the caucus and Barack Obama coming up behind with Hilary trailing afterwards. However! I see Mitt Romney winning for the republicans with Ron Paul a close second, followed by Giuliani and Huckabee in a dead heat for third. While Ron Paul will not win in Iowa, he will boast a high standing, which should keep him relevant for the states which don't go to the polls until March or later. I would love to see Ron Paul win the nomination. If it comes to an Edwards vs Paul showdown, I wil be extremely torn. They both do stuff I love and they both do stuff I hate, so it's just a matter of determining which of those things are important enough to get my vote.

Kristen Bell

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Hershey to Redesign Pacs to Look Less Like Cocaine

From the what-were-they-thinking department, Hershey made a candy that looks just like cocaine. Plus you can even carry it around with something that looks like a crack bag! read more | digg story

All I want for Christmas...

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That's right. How much do you love me?

Gold Pill makes your poop glitter for $425

That's right, my shit's all shiney. I'm better than you. When you can afford to poop out $425, then let's talk. read more | digg story

Indiana Jones and the Kingdom of the Crystal Skull poster

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I think I just had an orgasm.

Teen with No Skull Shows Us How He Moves His Brain

I'll show you mine if you show me yours? Wait, stop, no!! Please for the love of God put it away! read more | digg story

5 Minute Video of Cops Tasering Pregant Woman

That's right, five full moments of tasering fun!!!! read more | digg story

"Don't tase me, bro" available as ringback tone from Verizon

If you thought "Don't tase me, bro" was the funniest thing you've ever seen, and you're a Verizon Wireless customer, you're in luck! You can purchase "Don't Tase Me Bro!" as your ringback tone. read more | digg story

Germany moves to ban Scientology

I think this is a good idea. It's not really a religion, it's a scam. I wish the US would ban it. read more | digg story

I woke up today from sleep

Yeah, so today I woke up from sleep. Took a piss, and showered. I then got dressed and ate some toast. I love it when the day starts out interesting!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Angry Thai Women Lead the World in Penis Slashings

If you can think of anything else to say, then say it. read more | digg story

Housing/Dollar/Stocks are All Crashing, Who's to Blame?

This is why I love renting. That and not having to mow the lawn. read more | digg story

Sorceress Jailed After Using Eggs and Underpants

A 69 year old woman has been jailed for 20 days for using eggs and underpants in an attempt to break a man from a lethal curse. I think the real crime is not that an old woman is in jail or that a man may or may not still be cursed but that he had to part with a pair of underwear and how many eggs did he have to get? If it was a carton, that's like $6 right there. Then there's the urine sample, but who cares about that, he had to pay her and buy the eggs. I hope she fucking fries. read more | digg story

Scientists: Ancient Kangaroos didn't Hop

That's right, it's all about the news that matters tonight on Bozzy's World. read more | digg story

Something's Wrong With Lily...

It all started not so innocently the other day. She was walking along and suddenly something came running towards her. She hopped around and freaked out and told Liz to hit it with her car so that nobody could determine what it was... but Liz was speeding at the time and road raging one of the Ravens and only hit it with one tire so we were able to get a description. What did it look like? Well she described it as having little devilish beady eyes and four tiny paws with claws as sharp as and looked similar to, razor blades. The Gillette Razor kind. You know, the best a man can get? Or was it the Mach3. Wait, that's the same one. Okay, where was I? Ah yes, tiny paws and four beady eyes as sharp as a Mach3, the best a man can get. You know what I mean. After she described the eyes and the Mach3 paws, we all were stumped, but then she yelled at us and told us that she wasn't finished talking and that we shouldn't interrupt her all the time. So we let her finish. And she said

Police Chase Down a Doughnut Truck (no taser involved)

Why oh why would police want to catch a doughnut truck? Was the driver a murderer or something? I have no idea... This is too ironic to be funny. Sorry. read more | digg story

Corporations are now so powerful they threaten democracy

It's true, I read it on the Internets. read more | digg story

Vibrators for children

Will somebody please STOP thinking of the children! Don't make me call the police. read more | digg story

End Women's Suffrage

Monkeys Fly Over Rainbows: Verizon Says Android Is Key to Open Network

That's right, it looks like Google and Verizon have kissed and made up. read more | digg story

Deaf Guy Tased by Police Fresh Out of the Bath Tub

And now, our weekly tasing moment of Zen... Deaf guy. Bath tub. Tased. read more | digg story

Staggering Timeline of Bush Era Civil Rights Violations

For your viewing pleasure, here's a complete timeline of all the civil rights attrocities that BushCo has committed. read more | digg story

Sean Taylor's murderer confesses

FORT MYERS: Sources tell us that four people have been detained in Lee County in connection with the murder of NFL star Sean Taylor and authorities are searching for a fifth. read more | digg story

Verizon Opens Up

Verizon has decided to open it's network to any device. Hey, wait a minute. The phone still has to be approved... Which could take a few weeks. It's not the kind of announcement you'd expect from Verizon Wireless. But the notoriously protective carrier known for crippling many of the devices running on its network, as well as suing the FCC over the open access stipulations attached to the 700 MHz auction, did a complete about face on Tuesday. In doing so, the U.S.'s second largest carrier now says it will allow anyone with a compatible phone to access its network. Do you want to know more? But yeah, any device. Awesome.

Washington Redskins Free Safety Sean Taylor Dies After Gunshot Wound

This is the saddest day to be a Redskins fan or even a football fan in general. Sean Taylor passed away at 5:30 this morning from a gunshot wound he took yesterday. Some people wanted to steal his belongings and broke into his house. Why do people always want to take what others have? Earn it your self. Now there is a little girl without a father. That's the real tragedy. read more | digg story

Let's talk about the tasing again

This is a chat among several police officers talking about how tasing is good and why they don't always need to read people their Miranda rights! read more | digg story

Redskins' Sean Taylor shot at Miami-Dade home

Man, this sucks. I hope he's gonna be alright. Sean Taylor was already still recovering from a knee injury. Looks like he is out for the season now. read more | digg story

I gotta hand it to this guy...

A Kershaw County man is sharing his story of survival. He faced a life or death decision when his hand got stuck in a piece of farm equipment, and then a fire broke out around him. What he did next might shock you, and we have to warn you that some of the details might be disturbing. read more | digg story

Stop Dressing Your Daughter Like a Prostitute

Working in a mall, and specifically right outside of a Victoria's Secret, I have seen many pre-pubescent girls walk into that store and come out with loads of inappropriate clothing for girls there age. I know VS sells more than thongs, but even their t-shirts aren't appropriate for a ten year old. read more | digg story

Rudy Giuliani in drag

He may have to consider this as a viable option if he has to run against Hillary. read more | digg story

Dennis Kucinich makes Early Show host sound like an idiot

As she continually attempts to turn the interview into Entertainment Tonight, Dennis stays focused and talks like someone who actually gives a damn. read more | digg story

15-year-old girl jailed with 20 men for a month, raped repeatedly.

A 15-YEAR-old girl robbery suspect was put in a jail cell with more than 20 men, and for a month was raped relentlessly and forced to have sex for food, human rights groups say. read more | digg story

Another taser incident.

UHP (Utah Highway Patrol) tasers man in front of pregnant wife and baby over an alleged speeding ticket. And it's on video. Ooooh yeah. read more | digg story

Ball Dribbling Record – 5 Balls at Once!

I've never even imagined five balls at once... read more | digg story

New York firefighters to oppose Giuliani

A group of American firefighters opposed to Rudy Giuliani, the Republican front-runner in the 2008 presidential race, are planning to run damaging adverts expressing scepticism about his 9/11 leadership. read more | digg story

Translating Cats

US Now Arrests Photographers Without Charge!

NEW YORK - The U.S. military plans to seek a criminal case in an Iraqi court against an award-winning Associated Press photographer but is refusing to disclose what evidence or accusations would be presented. read more | digg story

Another Tazer Death Today.

Yes, another. "A 20-year-old man died this morning after a sheriff's deputy used a taser on him to break up a fight, the Frederick County Sheriff's Office reports. The man was identified as Jarrel Gray of Ladd Circle by his mother, Tanya Thomas, who spoke to a News-Post reporter." read more | digg story

Americans Are All Suspects Now

The administration's demand that Congress shield the telecommunications industry from lawsuits for aiding in the systematic warrantless wiretapping of Americans has far less to do with protecting national security than its own exposed flanks. read more | digg story

Think Recycling Computers Is A Good Thing? Think Again.

Most people think they're helping the earth when they recycle their old computers, televisions and cell phones. But chances are they're contributing to a global trade in electronic trash that endangers workers and pollutes the environment overseas read more | digg story

Broadband speeds days numbered?

I smell bullshit. "NEW YORK - Enjoy your speedy broadband Web access while you can. The Web will start to seem pokey as early as 2010, as use of interactive and video-intensive services overwhelms local cable, phone and wireless Internet providers, a study by business technology analysts Nemertes Research has found." read more | digg story

Orgasm Ringtone Prank

I have to try this. read more | digg story

Cow Drop Kicks Stupid Kid

Tip of the day: Don't sneak up on a fuckin' cow. read more | digg story

Lindsay Lohan is a whore

Check this shit out: She's sentenced to a day for DRUNK DRIVING, not once, but TWICE... and if that's not an insult enough, served only 84 minutes . Slut.

Cows Flee After Seeing McDonald's

WEST HAVEN, Utah - McDonald's? The burger joint? Stampede! Eight cows escaped from a trailer when the rear gate opened as the driver pulled into a McDonald's. It took about two hours to round them up Monday. "Maybe they were going to ... hop in the freezer, save the middleman," Weber County sheriff's Sgt. Dave Creager said. Lt. Kevin Burns had another theory: "They didn't like their future." The roundup was called "Operation Hamburger Helper." A nearby resident even hopped on his horse. "I thought my eyes were lying," said Wayne Sanders, who was at a truck stop next door. "I don't know where they came from, but I'd say they'd have to weigh 800 pounds apiece and they were on a pretty good trot." read more | digg story

Unexplained Blue Cloud Floats, Darts Around Customers At Gas Station

Yes, even more haunting than the gas prices... read more | digg story

Safeway Select: A Tale of Mold

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Mmm... Safeway brand fig newtons... So my friend went to the local Safeway on 11/5/07 to buy some snacks... It was a good deal. They were only $2.50. She gets home. Eats one. Then looks at them more carefully . You too should look at them carefully. She takes a closer a look at the expiration date, and scared the cat. Yes, it does actually say 12/27/06. Safeway actually kept an item on the shelves almost ONE YEAR after the "best by" date, which is actually the date that it should be eaten, not sold. Those Fig Newtons most likely had been on the shelves since July 2006. Anybody want to go to Safeway?

Bob Barker's SportsCenter Audition!

Bob Barker talks about his life. Don't get too close, man.... he's the greatest! read more | digg story

Bill Maher Gives Audience an Ass Kicking 10/19

If you ever needed proof that Bill Maher is a badass, look no further... read more | digg story

"My World" by 7 Days Torn

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Back in the first quarter of this year, their singer and songwriter left them. That usually spells trouble for a band, but they regrouped and with fierce determination, they have come back... strong. Go to their myspace and listen to "My World"

Ann Coulter is a Horse

Check out the YTMND site I made: http://anncoulterisahorse.ytmnd.com/

Redskins 34 - Lions 3

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Redskins expose the Detriot Lions for what they really are... pussies.

Mark Ecko is an idiot.

I've never played baseball professionally but I'm going to start taking steroids and try out for the Orioles next season. I'll get on the roster and I will lead the league in home runs, all thanks to steroids. In 5 years the record is MINE***!!!! See how stupid that sounds? You need more than steroids. Mark Ecko is an idiot who wasted 750,000 dollars on a baseball .

Female Ninjas Rob Gas Station

I'm telling the truth! This was on a Pittsburgh news channel!! I swear!!! "They were all covered in black and carrying swords, so it did appear that they were dressed like ninjas," said Chief Robert Amman of the Northern Regional Police Department. "Swords, daggers could be used to seriously harm victims, so this is a very serious crime." [Story]

The Ultimate Rock-Paper-Sissor Guide

Well it's more like the Rock-Paper-Sissor-Gun-Nuke-Devil, and a dozen more ... but it's entertaining. Probably too hard to remember, but oh well. Wait a second. Let's add more.

Don't tase me, Bro!

The kid did nothing wrong except ask Sen. Kerry a daring question. The police had no right to arrest him let alone shock him with a TASER. ( AP )

Redskins are 2-0!!!!

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Way to beat the Eagles 20-12 in Philly on Monday Night Football!!

IMPORTANT IPHONE 2 INFORMATION

I have inside information that the iPhone 2 is coming out on 10/31/07. So don't buy the iPhone til the second version comes out!!!!!

Raffi's Punk Band

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More comics here.

Open Water 2: Adrift

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The people in this movie make the stupidest decisions a human fucking being could ever make. Want to know what happens when everybody on a yacht dives off to go swimming and nobody remembers to put the ladder down?

Eastern Motors

Welcome to Figment's Imagination!

Yes! Finally! read more | digg story

ex-Maryland teacher allergic to getting her picture taken

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and oh yeah, she also had sex with a 15 year old student. read more | digg story

My Next Car.

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Guess what's going back into production?

iPhone unlocked.

Oh shit. There goes the planet. read more | digg story

Survey: Majority of Americans Agree with Dennis Kucinich

"In the political equivalent of a “blind taste test” taken by more than 67,000 participants, an independent website surveying public attitudes on various issues is reporting that Democratic Presidential candidate Dennis Kucinich is the first choice of 53% of respondents. Those taking the survey vote only on the issues, not the candidates themselves." DENNIS!! read more | digg story

Seriously.

Only Six Issues

According to CNN, there are only six issues that people care about in regards to the election in 2008. Just six. That's all. Crap News Network at it's best.

Archives

Do not edit this page

The iPhone Killer

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The iPhone can do a lot, many people say, but the fact remains, the only capability that matters is that nice little way of snapping a picture and txt messaging it to your friends. Oh yes, picture messaging . That's where the Audiovox 9200 comes in. It's small and compact, and the best part of all, FREE. That's right it won't cost you a dime. Why pay $500 to $600 for the capability of NOT picture messaging, when you can spend ZERO MONEY and picture message ALL YOU WANT, but best of all, it's available only on Verizon Wireless: America's Most Reliable Wireless Network! Ladies and gentleman, the Audiovox 9200 is the latest iPhone killer.

There's a 20% Chance we're living in the Matrix

Whoaaaaaaaaaa. read more | digg story

756! Bonds did it!

Watch his full at bat. And to those who insist on placing an asterisk by his name, it takes more than power and strength to hit home runs. To say that 756 home runs is nothing is an insult not only to Bonds but to the game of baseball.

Letter of the Day

Since people's attention spans are too short for quotes, will we just do a "letter of the day", so today's letter is A. It's the first letter, so it's easy to remember. Use it in a word and you could spell Apples, Alligators, and Aeropostle. Tomorrow's letter will be B. Wednesday's letter will be C. See the pattern? Wait, patterns are next week.

755. Seven Fifty Five.

He's tied it. Quit bitching. Records are meant to broken.

Road House 2

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His son also hates guys that used to fuck guys like him in prison...

443-844-1421

It had to come to this. Somebody called me, left a gibberish voicemail, then left an ignorant as hell text message. Their number is 443-844-1421... they really need to stop being a fucking coward and just answer the phone. I've tried calling them. I've tried texting them. They won't respond. So the only way I possibly finding out who called me is by posting the number in a public place. Yeah, I'm an asshole. :)

That's why they went bankrupt!!

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Let this be a lesson to all those interested in starting up a mobile phone company: If you make bill paying too hard for your customers, they won't pay their bill! But how dumb does one have to be to not understand the method of bill payment?

Ampd Mobile to Shut Down on July 24 at 12:01am

Sweet. I hope I get many sales from former Amp'd customers. I'm smiling ear to ear, baby. read more | digg story

Screamin' Beans

I don't care what you think, I like it when my food is personified. read more | digg story

at&t sucks

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Read: here's why.

BP to dump more toxins in Lake Michigan

Yep, that's right. BP is polluting the Great Lakes and they don't even care. Lets grab their CEO and sail him into the middle of Lake Michigan and shoot him in the head at point blank range. Fuck BP. read more | digg story

I'm Alive.

Been working. Saw the iPhone. Yawn. Later!

The strangest car doors you'll ever see! [PICS + VIDEO]!

Nevermind those gullwing and suicide-style doors, this 1993 Lincoln Mark VIII concept car has the coolest doors you've ever seen -- and not only are they power, they disappear too! read more | digg story

Man Robs Bank Disguised As Tree

Man sees tree. Man sees bank. Man becomes tree. Man robs bank. Man can't run away because he's a tree. read more | digg story

10 Reasons not to buy an iPhone right now.

Yeah. I'm going there. Anyway, if you don't know, I work for Verizon Wireless, so this may be a bit biased. But I also own a Power Mac G5 and an iPod, so I freaking love Apple, and I consider Steve Jobs a deity of some sort. So why shouldn't you rush out to your nearest at&t store or Apple store and throw at least 500 bucks at the sales people (even though we like that)? Let's begin. I will start with 10 and work down, because Letterman is the shit. 10. It's not 3G. I don't want to hear the excuses of how at&t's HSDPA network isn't big enough yet. No brand spankin' new phone should be designed on old technology. It's a waste of resources (and your customer's money). 9. You need to have at&t service. This oxymoron online should keep people away. 8. No over-the-air music downloads. This really isn't that hard. Verizon did this with the LG Chocolate a year ago. You'd think this would be a high priority, to tie the cellular wo

Random Mobile Solution moment

Found this randomly on myspace... judging by the location of the user who posted it, it's probably from The Mobile Solution Arizona market... who cares... this dude is cheating on his girlfriend, and he works at.... THE MOBILE SOLUTION! Hahah phone

I moved into my new place.

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I'll be on MTV cribs any day now. Til then, just look at this hilarious Google Ad I grabbed.

DUCCI!!

This post is about an arsenic story and what Jason thinks about it.

Lightning Strikes Good Luck Road

What determines whether luck is good or bad, who knows, but I would say a lightning strike is definitely bad. Unless you're a fire God of some sort. Then it's good. PRINCE GEORGE'S COUNTY, Md. -- Lightning hit an apartment complex, sparking a fire in Prince George's County Wednesday afternoon, officials said. The incident happened around 2 p.m. Wednesday in the 9700 block of Good Luck Road in Seabrook. More...

Poor Pluto

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Is Kim Jong Ill?

Reports coming from diplomats in Pyongyang have Kim Jong-Il so debilitated that he can no longer walk 30 feet without assistance. He apparently needs heart surgery, which has kept him from making public appearances on his normal schedule. read more | digg story

fyi

If anybody wants to go kayaking near the small pond outside of Denny's, I won't be able to attend until 3am. Thanks The Boz

A message from Michael Moore.

Go! Send your videotapes!

T - one week

Yes, I really did use the phrase "T minus"... shut up. So yeah.. I move into my new place in one week. Can't wait. There's a freaking pool. It's awesome. No more having to deal with animals pissing and shitting everywhere in the house. Sorry Lily. It's filthy.

Only pirates can wear guyliner.

Yeah, seeing Spider Man covered in guyliner pretty much ruined the movie-- no, the whole trilogy for me. read more | digg story

Is Beer the Key to Remarkable Blogging?

Yes. Sure. Why not? Give me a beer. read more | digg story

Not Fair - Ten Years In Prison For Consensual Oral Sex

Ten years in prison for receiving oral sex. That is Genarlow Wilson ’s sentence. When he was 17 years old and a high school senior, he received consensual oral sex from a 15-year-old, 10th-grade girl. Everyone agreed, including the prosecutor and the girl herself, that she initiated the act. And yet.... PARIS HILTON ONLY STAYS IN JAIL FOR 3 FULL DAYS. . update : hold on a sec... she's probably going back to jail ... somebody needs to make up their fucking mind. read more | digg story

A polar bear fell on me.

While many view the 1989 Patrick Swayze-starrer as a laughable joke of an action film, Road House is in fact, secretly, a brilliant film. Don't agree? Read on, you skeptical son of a… read more | digg story

Google Maps reveals crack on the streets

Bathroom humor. LOL! read more | digg story

How to unlock your car with a cell phone

Those of you who lock your keys in your car need not worry about it any longer. Just as long as you don't lock the spare key in the car as well, you'll always have the ability of calling up home and having someone unlock your car by holding the spare up to their phone. Of course, for those that manage to lock both the master and the spare, you're still shit out of luck. read more | digg story

NBC catches Giuliani lying to 911 family member

Any presidential hope this guy had just went straight out the window. read more | digg story

Engadget Live Coverage of Gates vs. Jobs

This is the ultimate "Mac Vs. PC", literally. Check it out. read more | digg story

That'll do Google, that'll do...

You know that guy who's been going around San Francisco feeding random parking meters? Yeah, neither do I, but Google caught the bastard. read more | digg story

Squirrels with Lightsabers

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Microsoft Surface: Balls Deep in Originality.

Just what I need, a multi-touch screen table ! I just think it would be cool if it could also fit in my pocket, play songs and videos, have a built in phone, and range in price from $499 to $599! What original idea will Microsoft think of next!!!!

Playground Fun [PIC]

lol suggestive imagery read more | digg story

Ban the Bulb!

Sometimes an idea seems almost too good to be true. But this one is not. If there was a worldwide shift from incandescent light bulbs to compact fluorescents, the drop in electricity use would permit us to close 270 coal-fired (500-megawatt) power plants that are contributing enormously to climate change. read more | digg story

Come to Baltimore, Rehab!