I live too close for comfort to rednecks...
So yesterday I was out with Dana and Jen in the western (aka hick) end of Howard County, MD, I know, stay with me, I was there to pick up a friend (and also buy her tampons, but that's beside the point), and drive her back to Columbia (aka where us normies live).
I get to the gas station, which convienantly is also a High's and I go in to get the tampons, which was fun. I don't think it's that big a deal to buy feminine hygine products, but yeah, it does feel a little weird. ANYWAY, I go back outside and pull the car up to the pump and begin pumping. I know, that does sound hot.
At that moment, I saw something I swear I have never and probably would never even think I would ever see happen. I mean, this is just weird. And remember, we're in Woodbine, MD, in the western end of Howard County. What did I see?
I saw this kid, probably 16, chasing his girlfriend (I hope it wasn't his sister...) through the parking lot holding a DEAD SQUIRREL. YES, a _dead_ squirrel. But it doesn't end there. He was saying funny redneck shit too. He said (and I am paraphrasing, because I stupidly tried to block this from my mind), "Hey don't run! I just killed this today! It's not gonna bite ya!", and a bunch of other rednecky things rednecks say.
His girl ran in the High's and he sat outside the door panting, out of breath, still holding the squirrel. No, I think he set it down next to him. Yeah. Anyway, one of my friends yelled out, "Hey you have fun with that squirrel!" and he replied, "I will." Then we laughed uncontrollably at him.
That's it, that's your redneck story for the day. Don't ask me for another one, that's all you're getting.
I get to the gas station, which convienantly is also a High's and I go in to get the tampons, which was fun. I don't think it's that big a deal to buy feminine hygine products, but yeah, it does feel a little weird. ANYWAY, I go back outside and pull the car up to the pump and begin pumping. I know, that does sound hot.
At that moment, I saw something I swear I have never and probably would never even think I would ever see happen. I mean, this is just weird. And remember, we're in Woodbine, MD, in the western end of Howard County. What did I see?
I saw this kid, probably 16, chasing his girlfriend (I hope it wasn't his sister...) through the parking lot holding a DEAD SQUIRREL. YES, a _dead_ squirrel. But it doesn't end there. He was saying funny redneck shit too. He said (and I am paraphrasing, because I stupidly tried to block this from my mind), "Hey don't run! I just killed this today! It's not gonna bite ya!", and a bunch of other rednecky things rednecks say.
His girl ran in the High's and he sat outside the door panting, out of breath, still holding the squirrel. No, I think he set it down next to him. Yeah. Anyway, one of my friends yelled out, "Hey you have fun with that squirrel!" and he replied, "I will." Then we laughed uncontrollably at him.
That's it, that's your redneck story for the day. Don't ask me for another one, that's all you're getting.
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