Oscar Predictions

It's Oscar night! The only night of award shows that I actually care for! Want the winners?

Here they are:

BEST PICTURE-- LOTR: Return of the King; the first two didn't win, because the three films are really one movie, this last one will win a lot.

LEADING ACTOR-- Jude Law. He just ownz.

LEADING ACTRESS-- ??? Didn't see any of the films any of the nominees starred in. Odd. I shall omit this category. Okay fine, eenie meenie miney mo, catch a tiger by his toe, if he hollars let him go, eenie meenie miney mo; Charlez Theron.

SUPPORTING ACTOR-- Ken Watanabe. He was awesome in THE LAST SAMARAI.

SUPPORTING ADDRESS--- Renee Zelwegger for Cold Mountain, she performed grand theft movie, well of the scenes Jude Law wasn't in.

BEST DIRECTOR-- LOTR: Return of the King. No explanation necessary.

BEST EDITING-- LOTR: Return of the King.

BEST PHOTOGRAPHY: Cold Mountain, it was beautiful.

WRITING (ADAPTED SCREENPLAY)-- LOTR: Return of the King
WRITING (ORIGINAL SCREENPLAY)-- Lost in Translation

BEST MUSIC (SCORE)-- LOTR: Return of the King.

There you go, the winners.

This is my commentary on what I think are the best films of 2003.

Perfect Day for a Car Wash

In fact, too perfect. I had to wait in a line of like 6 cars. I was waiting to drive into the wash for almost a half hour! But it was worth it, my car was really yucky. It's supposed to be 65 degrees tomorrow and like above 55 all week with no bad weather. Tomorrow I am going to clean out the inside of my car. I know, this entry was boring and a waste of your time, but that's my plan: to bore you and waste your time. Duh.

Curb your Enthusiasm

The first season of Curb your enthusiasm is all mine, baby! I finally broke down and bought it last night! It's hilarious, you have to check it out.

Oh and Julie, best buy did have it! OMFG! Hell froze! :p

The Passion of the Christ

I just saw The Passion of the Christ, and before I say anything, let me tell you that I am not religious, I pretty much have zero bias towards any of the events the movie depicts. So, how was it? As far as a story goes, it's not your typical movie. They capture Jesus, chastise him, then crucify him. The end. There's no love interest, there's no real plot, just a capture, death march, and death. Now, I still enjoyed it. It is a very moving film, and I think it captures Jesus' message quite clearly: that you should always love and embrace everybody no matter how bad they are.

Jim Caviezel (The Count of Monte Cristo, Frequency) plays Jesus rather convincingly, Monica Bellucci plays Magdellan, but it's a small role in the film, as most of the screen time is given to Caviezel. The rest of the cast is pretty much unkown actors, but nobody sucks.

Did I like it? Yeah, I guess I did, it moved me, it just wasn't a very good film, plot wise, but I guess you could say it wasn't your average plot, hehe.

I do think that the violence in this movie is important. If Christians are to worship Jesus as their Messiah, then they deserve not to have His story sugar-coated. He didn't die for you not to remember Him. Now, should you only focus on His death? Of course not, focus on His teachings, but do not forget His death.

Jury Duty? Jury Duty!

I've been summoned. Yay! They love me, they really, really love me!

March 29th is the date. It's for a 1 week / 1 trial service, with the average trial in Howard County, MD lasting 2 days. I could go down there for 5 days and not be called to a trial, that would suck. If I don't work, I don't get paid. If I can't work for a week, the county better pay me. Hopefully I get assigned to a trial the first day, and it ends that day. I'm bringing several books because I anticipate lots of waiting in the 'Jury Assembly Room', lol.

Fucking kids is WRONG

That's it, I am going to fucking rant. Fucking children is just flat out wrong. I mean, it is disgusting. Who in their right mind would have sex with a child? A pedophile, that's who! If you fuck kids, then you are a pedophile! You hear that! I don't care what kind of flak I get for posting this, if you are having sex with a child, then you are a sick, perverted, pedophile! Or even a regular pedophile! Fucking kids is wrong! I cannot stress this enough. I mean, it's ok to love kids, but you can't fucking fuck them. That's gross and wrong. You disgust me.

Please think of the children and stop fucking them!

What the hell?

What the hell is happening? The government is not my parent. I am an adult. I should be able to listen to whatever entertainment I want.

It is not like Stern's show was a family show. It is for ADULTS.

How can the government step in and tell people what is acceptable?

Come to Kenya

We've got Lions!

(via kevin)

OJ Simpson is NOT poor

OJ has been served with a court order to explain why he hasn't paid the families of Nicole Brown and Robert Goldman the money he was ordered to pay. His lawyer is saying all this bullshit about OJ being poor, but don't listen to that crap. OJ has plenty of fucking money and he should fucking pay every last cent he has.

OJ deserves to live out his years homeless and on the street. Fucking murderer.

Life, Liberty, and the Pursuit of Happiness

We hold these truths to be self-evident, that all men are created equal, that they are endowed by their Creator with certain unalienable Rights, that among these are Life, Liberty and the pursuit of Happiness. --The Declaration of Independance

So tell me, if by banning gay marriage, are we denying people their pursuit of happiness?

Try to spin out of that one. I dare you.

Dead Babies!

Q: What's the difference between a dead baby and a peanut butter cup?
A: The dead baby won't stick to the roof of your mouth.

Q: What's the difference between 25 babies and a VCR?
A: The VCR can fit in a bathtub without the use of a blender.

Amuse yourself with some more dead baby jokes!

Went to Jillians

Hung out with Julie again, we went back to Arundel Mills Mall, but this time to Jillians, and played some skiball. Haven't played that in ages, man it was great, my highest score was 310,000, Julie got like 390,000 or something. She kept saying how she was going to kick my ass, and well, she did. Damn. Still fun.

Kevin may be comin over to DC in April so I may push my 'people met off the net' meter to 2! Hopefully meeting Kevin will go better than last time, and if I go to gnomedex, it'll go up to like 13 people.

OMFG, remember this?

If so, then file a claim here in a class action lawsuit against the music industry. What, are we to believe that it costs $18.99 to make a cd?! ...LINK

Well I just got a letter from them and a check for $13.86! Free money in the mail! Yay!

Here is an article on the settlement.

Eurotrip

Hey there, I promised the review, so here it is. What a movie. Plot-wise, it was just your run of the mill, teen movie, but funny-wise it was great. So I guess that would make it a great teen movie, hmm... Anyway, the only known celebs in this are Matt Damon (very briefly, but hilarious) and Michele Trachtenberg (who's been in other teen flicks and got her start on Clarissa Explains it all...the rest are all newcomers, except for cameos by Diedrich Bader, Vinny Jones, and Pat Kilbane.

So, it starts out with the main character guy, Scotty, who doesn't know something. He doesn't know something and then his high school graduation turns from a joyful moment, to the worst moment in his life. What doesn't Scotty know? Could Matt Damon have something to do with it?

Scotty (Scott Mechlowicz) and his friend Cooper (Jacob Pitts) decide to go to Berlin to meet this girl Scotty met online (omg, I so know what that feels like, haha), but they wind up in London first and then in France...and then finally to Berlin where they meet the girl's younger brother and father; only to find she's not there, of course.

Long story short, Scotty and his internet girl meet in the house of God have lots and lots of sex. The end.

I didn't want to say too much, but it's a laugh-riot. Go see this.

Julia is FUCKIN A!!!!

We went to Arundel Mills...I was so nervous, afterall I had never met someone in person who I had originally met on the internet, so it was weird...and it was the same situation for her. I was pacing back and forth in front of FYE/Muvico (movie theater in the mall) and I see this person sit down at one of the benches....I was thinking, that looks a lot like Julia....I walked a little closer, then she waved at me, so I went over...what followed was an awkward "Hi", "Hi", "Yeah", "Yeah". We got in line and purchased tickets to "Eurotrip" (review to come later, stay connected!) Then we went to FYE aka overpriced mart and looked around. We then went and ate at Johnny Rockets, a retro cafe place, set in the 50s. Great food. Then we went back to FYE and bothered this one employee by asking for two titles he had never heard of (curb your enthusiasm: season 1, and lost highway) She bought a couple things, I can't remember what they were, because of sausage fest eurotrip and how insanely hysterical it was. Anyway, then we saw Eurotrip. Then we walked to my car, and I drove her to her car, which was like far from where my car was....god this entry is so weak...too many elipsises, lol...JULIA IS FUCKIN' A!!!!! SHE ROCKS!!!! Julie, you rule.

Interesting Porn Read

Hmm, that's odd. I don't recall ever saying those three words before. But you should check out what Larry Flynt has to say about how his industry as changed because of the Internet. If you don't like him, fine, but read it for the history of pop culture.

Guy vs. Girl

So there's these two people, right, and they're talking.

Girl: So when did you first lose your virginity?
Guy: I don't want to talk about it.
Girl: Come on.
Guy: No
[goes on for awhile]
...
Guy: Fine, it was this guy.
Girl: A guy?
Guy: Yeah, he picked me up when I was walking home from school. He offered me candy.
Girl: Oh my God, you didn't take it did you?
Guy: Hey, I was only 8, who wouldn't pass up candy.
Girl: Uhhhh..
Guy: So I passed up the candy, and he got out and chased me.
Girl: Did he catch you?
Guy: No, I'm fast.
Girl: How does this lead to you getting raped by a guy?
Guy: Raped by a guy? What the fuck are you talking about bitch?
Girl: You said you lost your virginity to a guy.
Guy: No I didn't.
Girl: Did so.
[goes on for quite some time]
...

This had a point, and was funny in my head, but I lost it about halfway thru. Oops.

Dean Throws in the Towel

Dean will keep his grassroots campaign up and running to help push his ideas to the mainstream.

"I am no longer actively pursuing the presidency," Dean told a crowd of cheering, flag-waving supporters. "We will, however, continue to build a new organization using our enormous grass-roots network to continue the effort to transform the Democratic Party and to change our country." do you want to know more?

So with Dean not on the ballot, I will have to actually vote for somebody else on super Tuesday. Not sure exactly who. I don't think it will be Kerry. I liked him at first, but he just seems a little arrogant. I'm not sure I like Edwards too much either...but it won't matter, because Kerry will take Maryland easily...

I may just vote for Kucinich, because he doesn't change his platform based on the polls. He sticks to his beliefs. I like that. Kerry ought to pick him as his veep.

Stupid punkass kids

Twelve buses filled with Howard County high school students and bound for Canada on a ski trip were detained for up to eight hours at the border last week during a search by Canadian officials that turned up dozens of fake IDs, marijuana and hallucinogenic mushrooms and drug paraphernalia, according to the trip organizer, parents and some of the children. do you want to know more?

Howard High is the worst school in the county. Stupid punkass kids.

Although not a sanctioned school event, it was another embarrassment for Howard students and school system after a string of incidents since August that included 12 teen-agers being cited for underage drinking at a dance; two girls making national headlines with a kiss; allegations of improper grade changing by top education officials; and a high school forfeiting its games because of ineligible players in various sports.

WHAT?!?!?!?! National headlines?!??! GOD I HATE LIVING UNDER A ROCK!!!! No, seriously, this couldn't have made national headlines, because I am all over the news.

Your tax dollars at work

The Justice department is going to start cracking down on porn. Your tax dollars at work, ladies and gentleman.

via Oliver

Bush's driving record disclosed

Bush's driving record has been disclosed.

The White House disclosed information in documents Thursday showing that President Bush (news - web sites) had been arrested once for a college prank and was cited for two automobile accidents and two speeding tickets before he enlisted in the National Guard.

So fucking what. I'm actually going to defend the President here. I've had one accident, two speeding tickets, and one warning for speeding, so I don't see the big fucking deal here. I'm not a bad person because of my traffic errors, neither is Bush for his traffic errors.

Bush needs to worry about telling the truth about the reasons for war and WMDs.

Is it about sex or lying?

With Bill Clinton's sex scandal, republicans kept insisting it wasn't about sex, it was about lying...

FAST FORWARD TO 2004
Matt Drudge uncovers a Kerry sex scandal. Who cares.

Nobody cares because:
1. Kerry didn't lie under oath.
2. Kerry was single at the time, and if he wasn't, so what, that's for his wife to bitch at him about.

If this hurts Kerry then obviously republicans do have a problem with sex and that it has nothing to do with lying.

Maddox is my hero

Since Bill O'Reilly is such a cry-baby bitch, I have decided to send him a bottle of Johnson & Johnson "no more tears" shampoo, along with a box of tampons to help with his constant PMS

...

I also sent him this letter along with the package:

Dear Mr. O'Reilly,

†††††I hope you find the tampons and shampoo useful. Please continue to enlighten millions of Americans with your fair and balanced journalism day after day. I know your website is only ranked at 13,553, so if you would ever like some free publicity to help get your site going, I'd be happy to interview you on my site.

Your biggest fan,
Maddox


Careful not to soak up too much Bill, there won't be anything left.

Read the whole thing Maddox wrote about Bill O'Reilly.

Did I mention I love Jon Stewart

Well, I do. Watch him break down Bush on Meet the Press!

Clark is out

Wesley Clark is no more! He has ceased to be!

Crow tastes good, Bill!

Popular conservative television news anchor Bill O'Reilly, usually an outspoken Bush loyalist, said on Tuesday he was now skeptical about the Bush administration and apologized to viewers for supporting prewar claims that Iraq had weapons of mass destruction.

"I was wrong. I am not pleased about it at all and I think all Americans should be concerned about this," O'Reilly said in an interview with ABC's "Good Morning America." do you want to know more?

I've never liked him on the issues, but I have always admired how he has the guts to get on national tv (well foxnews isn't really national, hehehe) and speak his mind, but now I must admire him for admitting that he was wrong. That takes guts.

In a related story:

And what happened then...?
Well...in Who-ville they say
That the Grinch's small heart
Grew three sizes that day!

Why is Bush a republican?

He believes in a powerful and large government to effectively govern it's people, he believes in spending money on lots of social programs.

He's only a republican because he likes to give tax cuts. Can somebody explain the logic why Bush cut taxes but does not cut spending? That is BAD economics. You don't cut your source of revenue and not cut your expenses. I mean, come on, that's just silly.

So why is Bush a republican?

Holy fuckin hell, Bubba wins a grammy

Bill Clinton wins a grammy for best spoken word album for children.

If you're a conservative, insert your own joke here. This is just pure gold. And not that foolsgold crap.

Howard Claus or Santa Dean

Now Dasher! Now Dancer!
Now, Prancer and Vixen!
On, Comet! On, Cupid!
On, Donner and Blitzen!
To the top of the porch!
To the top of the wall!
Now dash away! Dash away!
Dash away all!

The More You Know!

Erections lasting longer than 4 hours, although rare, require immediate medical attention.

Lost in Translation

Oh yeah, I saw lost in translation a couple days ago. I just forget to tell you all about it. Oopsies.

I liked it, but I don't see what's so special about it. It certainly should NOT win best picture, I would say that's going to LOTR: Return of the King. Lost in translation just didn't seem like it had a whole lot to say...it was just a 'slice of life' style movie. I thought Bill Murray and Scarlett Johanson did great and have awesome chemistry but I just didn't see much plot here...he arrives in Japan, he shoots a commerical, he meets a girl, he leaves Japan. It was just pretty plain...but that was probably the intention. So go see it, but it won't win a lot of Oscars.

Jesus is coming back!

Yay!!!1

Forty years ago I was told by the Lord God, "I'm Jesus!" A year ago I asked Paul Revere, pastor of Embassy of Heaven Church, Stayton, Ore., to make a worldwide announcement that: "Christ, the Lord is alive, living on the earth in the flesh. And based on Zephaniah 1:7, the day of the Lord would occur on Preparation Day for Passover, April 16, 2003. Paul answered my request by setting up the Web site, www.2ndcomingofchrist.com, containing personal information I had mailed him about myself and my prophecy.

That prophecy turned out to be presumptuous and I am now prophesying that "The day of the Lord will occur on April 5, 2004! That day, prophesied over 2,600 years ago, will bring to a screeching halt all activity taking place in this world! For starters, money will be worthless, there will be no election this November and sports contests may be over! ...more

April 5th will be here in no time! Better get the face ready!

No TV and No Net

Cumfast Comcast Internet and Digital & Basic Cable ceased functioning at about noon yesterday...it just came up. 12 hours of being shut off from the outside world!

No TV and no net, make bozzy... something something....

Count the black dots!

via Michele, so take it up with her if you develope permanent vision problems.

The Big Bounce

Okay, let me go off on a rant here...WOULD PEOPLE STOP HYPING ELMOR LEONARD! I'm tired of people saying (people being that previews voice) saying "based on a novel by Elmor Leonard" like the guy is the second coming of William Shakespeare. Jesus fucking Christ, The Big Bounce Flop had the absolute worst story ever. Characters are great, I'll give him some credit, but the story is tissue paper thin and as stupid as the president. STOP MAKING ELMOR LEONARD A GOD!!!! "Get Shorty" is the only movie based on one of his novels that I have enjoyed. "Jackie Brown" sucked. Godbless Quentin, but it was a major dissappointment. "Out of Sight" was trash, JLO and Clooney? Please.

But let's get back to THE BIG BOUNCE FLOP. IT WAS STUPID. AND THE MOST STUPID THING ABOUT IT WAS THE HIRING OF MODEL SARA FOSTER. As gorgeous as she is (and she is) SHE CANNOT ACT WORTH A FUCKING DAMN. She's a fucking stone.

Gary Sinise? WTF? His role was big, yet he had the screen time of a cameo. Did I say the characters were great? Let me correct that. OWEN WILSON AND MORGAN FREEMAN WERE GREAT. Charlie Sheen was pretty good, but the rest absolutely tanked.

To top it all off, this is a fucking remake! Of a 1969 movie, same story, same characters, same stupid Elmor Leonard novel. Now, I have always said Hollywood should be remaking bad movies instead of classic ones, but they still have to actually improve the movie. They still made a crappy film.

SKIP THIS PIECE OF SHIT

Bad Justin!

You probably saw, or just heard. Justin Timberlake exposed one of Janet Jackson's twins during the superbowl halftime party.

Could this be Janet's attempt to take some of the press off of her brother? Aww, that is so sweet.



But it was probably planned, so don't huss and fuss about it.

UPDATE IT WASN'T PLANNED!
The Conservative Broadcast Station is apologizing profusely.

ALSO

Top CBS executives approved a musical skit where Janet Jackson would expose her breast during the MTV-produced Super Bowl half-time concert, the DRUDGE REPORT has learned.

"The decision to go forward went to the very top of the network," a well-placed source explained from New York. DrudgeReport

What the hell? CBS approves it, then takes it back?