I'm back

And I'm working on telling you of all my roadtrip exploits, but until I finish, just watch the snakes on the colbert report:

Ehrlich Pest Control

Anybody else find it humorous that the first result in a Google search for Ehrlich is a pest control company, not the Governor of Maryland? Maybe it's all part of the plan.

Martin O'Malley 2006!

The ATL

Tomorrow morning I leave for Atlanta the ATL, to see my parents new house crib. I'll be driving and will be gone a week. Those who have my cell phone can still call me. This isn't entirely an escapist vacation, so if you wanted to call just to talk, go ahead.

Hope is Emo

This is funny because my parent's have a dog named Hope, who is definitely emo. But we love her anyway.

Avoid the Lombard Street Gatorade Guy

Being in Baltimore City a lot, you run the possibility of running into weirdos. For example, there's this one crack-skinny black lady (usually in Fells Point) who comes up to people asking for light rail / bus money, and if you say you can't break your 20 dollar bill, don't let her see it, because she will snatch it away from you like an angry seal. But I'm not talking about that dope fiend. Let her flop around Fells Point.

I'm talking about the Lombard Street guy. You usually see him anywhere between Pratt and Light streets, and he ALWAYS has a Gatorade bottle in his hands. The bottle of Gatorade also always looks like it has urine in it. You see him walk over to the car that's a few cars in front of you, and you think, "He won't come over here, the light will be green before that." But the light doesn't change, and you realized a little too late that your windows are down and you're now too afraid to hit the button that makes them automatically cut off your passenger's hair go up, because you don't want him to know you're scared. Little miss prissy pants you.

So he comes over to the car and the open window thanks to stupid, scared out of your wits you. He apologizes like we give a damn. He kneels down on the street right by your car door (but not close enough you could easily knock him out by suddenly opening your door), as if he's suddenly found religion in a Gatorade bottle, and he says that he is from Cockeysville, Timonium, or White Marsh, or some other city in that general vicinity. He may move around a lot and change his city, but damn, he'll always say his truck broke down and that needs money for a cab. He's still on his knees. People are looking. Babies are crying. Dealers are dealing. Cops are at Brick Oven Pizza.

DRIVE AWAY! I don't care if the light is red, you fucking punch it! I've seen him get aggressive with that bottle of Gatorade. It really could be a bottle of piss you don't know. While piss is pretty harmless, do you really want to be near a fellow who carries it around? It's fucking digusting and you shouldn't hang around those crowds. That's why you drive away. And hopefully clip his feet.

Kids, don't let the grifters keep you out of the city and from going to your precious clubbin' night at Iguana Cantina (or even Club Choices). Just remember of all the grifters running about the city, there's only one that possess a Gatorade bottle and kneel down and say they're from Cockeysville or Timonium or White Marsh or some other city that's nearby those. This is the most dangerous one. Avoid him like the plague Carmen Electra Wolverine Ben Stiller.

Fucking gerbils.

I really wanted to say that. Fucking gerbils. Now I feel tons better. Which is good, because I'm going to Disney World Allentown, PA! Yeah, off to meet the Allentownians! Be back soon, hopefully with new human specimens.

Today's Moment of Zen

Ann Coulter = Soon to be Barren

Read this monstrosity and then track her down and punch her several times in the ovaries. All the advances woman have made in the last 100 years to be equal with men is in jeopardy because of this idiot.

Afterthought: Why does USAToday feel the need to let people enlarge their photo of this cretin?

Waste of time.

Don't need to go to the theater to see "The Omen", just go and rent it. Fuck that, have Netflix send it to you. It may be 30 years older, but it's the same. The one that just came to theaters is basically done shot for shot. The only thing new are the death scenes. It was nice to have them in 21st century special effects, but that really isn't enough of a reason to remake the movie. They were cool though, and Lieb Schreiber is great, but Julia Stiles is laughable... literally. Everyone in the theater laughed as she delivered her lines. I highly doubt that was the intention.

Start the remaking of all the sequels, you can't just remake the first one and say screw it. You need that extra commercialization!

Politician Removal Service

Remove the politicians, because they're "playing golf when they should be working."

Chili Peppers accused of plagiarism

A US radio presenter thinks they ripped the chords and melody from his song "Mary Jane's Last Dance" for their single "Dani California".

I just downloaded his song and don't feel they sound similar enough for him to have a case. But hey, any publicity is good publicity, right? Especially since the Chili Peppers sold 442,000 copies of "Stadium Arcadium" in it's debut week.

Tom Petty has no comment.