I had an abortion

Okay, so I lied. But if you did, you now have a shirt to wear.

Best interview ever

Michael Moore and Bill O'Lielly have just made the best interview ever, of course, it is courtesy of Drudge, so it could always be fake.

Sir Lance Alot

Lance Armstrong has just won the Tour de France (again). This makes 6 and a record. Can't anybody beat him? C'mon, he had freakin cancer! Anybody? C'mon! You losers!

Palm readings

Okay, don't ask, but the other day I got bored and had my palm read. I'm a little skeptical about it all, and I will spare you all most of what was said, except what she said when I asked her if I had any past lives: I have had two past lives. One ended in suicide, and the other I was some kind of dictator.

Yeah, that's amusing.

Extra Cheese

I was at the movies the other day and I noticed that the cheapest snack to buy is "extra cheese" for only $1. Now most people have no trouble affording a good size popcorn and a coke, but if they didn't, they could just walk up and say "extra cheese, please" and hand over a dollar.

Flat tires suck

But not having a jack and having to flag down passing motorists is so much worse.

We're on the fucking moon!

What Neil Armstrong really said.

Birds are stupid

When you're driving your Lotus Elise '87 Honda Civic (not my car, I drive an Accord!) and you see a bird fly only inches across the pavment, don't you wonder why in the hell they chose to fly so close to the road? I mean, they have freakin wings, they could fly a little bit higher and be safely out of harms way. So it seems to me that birds are either dare devils, or stupid, I think it's the latter. Yeah.

Birds are dumb stupid.

Michael Moore Tongue Twister

According to the Canada Elections Act, it is an offence for anyone who is not a Canadian citizen and does not live in Canada to "in any way induce electors to vote or refrain from voting or vote or refrain from voting for a particular candidate" during an election period. MORE...

Read that quote in bold ten times fast. Vote or refrain or vote or refrain from voting to refrain....AUUUUUUUUUUUUUGH *explodes*

Holy crap, mom was right!

Millions of children and teenagers could be damaging their health by watching too much television, a new study showed today.

Those who sat in front of the TV for more than two hours a day were at higher risk of smoking, gaining excess weight, and having high cholesterol as adults.

Their cardiovascular fitness – a measure of how well the heart is working - was also more likely to be poor at the age of 26.

Scientists in New Zealand who carried out the study urged parents to limit their children’s TV viewing to no more than one to two hours a day. MORE...

This is just another way of saying your child is a fat, lazy, son of a bitch... Whatever works, I guess.

Stewie gets 5 months in prison

Domestic icon Martha Stewart moved one step closer to a drastically different lifestyle behind bars when the millionaire entrepreneur was sentenced Friday to five months in prison for a stock-trading scandal.

"I'll be back," she promised afterward, speaking in a strong voice on the courthouse steps. "I'm not afraid. Not afraid whatsoever. I'm very sorry it had to come to this." MORE...

But, should insider trading be a crime?

Got Mac?

JULY 14, 2004 (MACCENTRAL) - Apple Computer Inc. today reported a net profit of $61 million or 16 cents per diluted share for its fiscal third quarter ended June 26.

"It was an outstanding quarter -- our highest third-quarter revenue in eight years," said Steve Jobs, Apple's CEO. "Our Mac-based revenue grew a healthy 19%, and our music-based revenue grew an incredible 162%. We've got a strong product portfolio, with some amazing new additions coming later this year." MORE...

Yeah, that's right. Steve Jobs isn't on smack. I win the bet.

UDPATE: Apple shares up 12% today.

Bush be hatin

President Bush said Friday that he declined an invitation to speak to the NAACP's convention in Philadelphia because of harsh statements about him by leaders of the venerable civil rights group.

''I would describe my relationship with the current leadership as basically nonexistent,'' Bush told reporters. ``You've heard the rhetoric and the names they've called me.'' MORE...

Yeah, you're running for re-election and you still act like a fucking child. Mommy, they call me bad name!

I'm Famous?

Yesterday, somebody I went to high school with randomly found my blog. He said I was "the second most famous person from Columbia, MD on IMDB", but I dunno about that. Sure, we all know that Edward Norton is the most famous Columbian, but there's two others who have done more. So I think it's safe to say that I am the 4th most famous person from Columbia, although, I don't really feel famous. Nobody has yet to recognize me on the street because of my blog, unlike Oliver Willis.

Relax Boz, it'll happen eventually.

I don't really care.

Anchorman

I've been looking forward to this since I first heard about it. I'm not that big of a fan of Will Ferrell either. He did a good Bush on SNL, but most of his movies have sucked ass, he tends to over-act a lot. He does that a little in Anchorman, but in this he's supposed to be over the top, so basically, this is the perfect role for him.

While Ferrell is the main star, he doesn't get nearly most of the jokes. Christina Applegate, Fred Willard, Chris Parnell, Paul Rudd, David Koechner, and last but never least, Steve Carell get their fair share of the jokes.

Plot wise, it's kinda weak, but there's several scenes that make this movie worthy enough to pay $8.50 for. A great battle scene with cameos, and this other scene with animals. I hadn't laughed this much at the movies in a long time.

BTW, that's German for "Whale Vagina".

drunk as fuck

omg, i am drunkig as fuck i ant hardly tyype.. i am spo fuckiung drunk, im ghoing to sleep[

Just say no to explosivo

Michele has some very sound advice for this weekend.

Remember kiddies, fireworks may be fun, but jerking off is so much funner. Yes, funner. Fuck you, it's my birthday and I can use bad grammar if I damn well fucking feel like it.

Morgan Webb poses in Maxim

I'm sorry, but she looks God awful as a brunette.

White Chicks

This isn't as bad as it looked, I was expecting a lot of crude bodily function humor, and oh wait a minute, that's what I got. But seriously, there are a few laugh out loud funny scenes. I won't say them, but one has something to do with a thousand miles. It's not the best Wayans brothers movie, but definitly not the worst (see Scary Movie 2). It's a fun popcorn flick to see with friends on a Thursday night when there's nothing better to do.

But if you do have something better to do, do that something better.