Showing posts from January, 2004

Big Fish

This movie is fucking awesome. While some may call it "too sappy" or whatnot, I just love the little things. I loved how he literally walked through a hoop to see the love of his life, then there was Danny DeVito scratching his ear. It's the kind of oddness you have to expect in a Tim Burton film...but it's not overblown or unoriginal. It all works and fits together nicely. Billy Crudup, Ewan McGregor, Albert Finney, Helena Bonham-Carter, Alison Lohman, and Steve Buscemi are magical. If you haven't seen this yet, you should, it's very well made. I saw three previews for kickass movies: Eternal Sunshine of the Spotless Mind, The Ladykillers, and Secret Window.... ok Eternal Sunshine...Jim Carrey looks awesome in this, what can else can I say. it's a remake, so that's a negative, but it's a Coen Brothers movie, so that's a positive, but it stars Marlon Wayans, so that's a negative, but it also stars Tom Hanks. Man, who would

States I have been to

create your own visited states map or write about it on the open travel guide Not quite as impressive as Oliver's ...but I've been out of my home state. The states I have been to the most are the ones around Maryland...obviously...since I live there....Virginia, West Virginia, and North Carolina are the states I have been in the most, in that order.

Do you like banana runts?

Yes, I must have bananas on the brain, but I have always loved banana runts the most. The other runts are just plain nasty. N.A.S.T.Y. Nasty. Here's two links I found that sell banana runts in a seperate package- link one, link two

Cute Little Poem

(via Phil ) A girl asked a boy if she was pretty, he said no. She asked him if he wanted to be with her forever, he said no. She then asked him if he would cry if she walked away, he said no. She heard too much. She needed to leave. As she walked away he grabbed her arm and told her to stay. He said... You're not pretty, you're beautiful. I don't wanna be with you forever I need to be with your forever. And I wouldn't cry if you walked away I'd die. *tear*

Light Bulbs

How many drinks does it take to screw me in a light bulb? Just wondering.

Bush or Banana?

Now, let's review. Bush, the republican president versus a very tastey fruit, the banana. A banana is loaded with potassium, is bush? No! And remember, the world is watching.


Wait, how many oranges? HOLY SHIT! That's a lot of oranges!

The Butterfly Effect

I wasn't expecting this to be any good, afterall it's not a comedy and it stars Ashton Kutcher! But alas! Could it be that Ashton can really act? Is this really so? Maybe! Ashton Kutcher plays this guy who experienced blackouts as a kid, and when he decides to read thru his own journal books, which he has kept since he was 7, he discovers he can go back in time and change his past. BUT! Everytime he does, he wakes up and his world is almost completely different! Sometimes it starts out good, but it usually ends badly, so he justs keeps trying. The only flaw this film has, is that if he keeps changing his past, how come his journals always remain the same? But, this movie is about time travel, so you do pretty much have to suspend disbelief. I'd recommend this to everybody, it's very entertaining, but it does have a little nudity (yay!) and some of the themes include pedophila, child porn, and animal cruelty...and dead babies. So, maybe this isn't the movie for grand

Message from Kevin

Kevin : Outer space shows are for children and stupid people.

Venusians Cry Favoritism

VENUS - 1775, The De Milo of Venus touched upon in his State of the Planet address last night that Venusians are outraged over all the Martian favortism by it's longtime friend and now rival, Earth. "We have rocks and dirt too", cried one angry Venusian. "Maybe Earthlings just can't withstand the heat, but afterall, is ancient Earthling Gustav Holst not correct? Are we of Venus the bringer of peace, while those nutty martians are the bringers of war?" Marvin, the leader of the major Martian tribe, did not return an instant message, but Jacque Chirac, the leader of the French Earthlings, issued the following press release: "It is quite le obvious fact that le United States is more pre-occupied with le bringer of war, than le bringer of peace, please dear Venusians, accept my apology on behalf of my fellow Earthlings." [The United States is another Earthling tribe] In other news, Earthling band U2 has seized this moment to hold a charity concert alr

MikeRoweSoft vs. Microsoft

If you haven't heard, Microsoft is at it again, they're sueing a teen named Mike Rowe, who added 'soft' to the end of his name and then registered the domain, . Why does M$ feel the need to go after? Who would be confused by this? Mike Rowe's business is website designs, not computer software, operating systems, web browsers, copying apple, fucking little boys, and games. There's no confusion here. Microshit has lightented up, but they still have some sour grapes: "We appreciate that Mike Rowe is a young entrepreneur who came up with a creative domain name, so we're currently in the process of resolving this matter in a way that will be fair to him and satisfy our obligations under trademark law," Desler said. Ummmm, there isn't really a violation of trademark law here. The name is not the same, and the business isn't even close to copying. If Microsoft wins, then Apple can sue Dell for ripping off the iPod and the iTunes

Republicans: Shut up, we don't care!

Blocking the overtime pay for 8 million hardworking Americans wasn't enough for the White House. Now they've decided to block e-mails from concerned citizens who want to tell President Bush they are unhappy with this latest affront to America's workers. Want to let President Bush know how you feel? Too bad, he's not listening. Next they'll tell us we should eat cake. via Kicking Ass and Oliver Willis

The 10 Commandments

1. Never stop Rocking. 2. Legalize all drugs. 3. Quit your day job. 4. All Religion should be taxed. 5. Cut down on carbohydrates. 6. Fuck her gently. 7. Never believe what people tell you after a show. 8. Always take a spoon full of Metamucil after a heavy day of eating. 9. Get at least 9 hours of sleep a day. 10. Eatin' ain't cheatin' via Tenacious D !!!1

Dean explains explosive speech

"Some people also said it was decidedly unpresidential," Storm said. "Why'd you take that tone after finishing third?" Dean answered, "There were 3,500 young people that came to Iowa to work for me, and they worked hard. We didn't get as many votes as I would have liked to, but they worked hard. I thought they deserved everything I could give them. And that's what they're going to get for the next eight days in New Hampshire as well." more... What's the big deal about that speech? IT IS CALLED HAVING PASSION. A candidate for President MUST HAVE PASSION! Watch or listen to the speech again and pay close attention to the crowd, they loved every minute of the speech! LOVED EVERY MINUTE OF IT. All the other guys running for president are boring, senseless people; Dean has passion.

The Top 16 Biblical Ways to Acquire a Wife

I found this funny as hell joke about the bible , here, I cut and pasted it for your perusal, but do not, under any circumstances, give me credit for it. Covered my bases Find an attractive prisoner of war, bring her home, shave her head, trim her nails, and give her new clothes. Then she's yours. -- Deuterononmy (Deuteronomy 21:11-13) Find a prostitute and marry her. -- Hosea (Hosea 1:1-3) Find a man with seven daughters, and impress him by watering his flock. -- Moses (Exodus 2:16-21) Purchase a piece of property, and get a woman as part of the deal. -- Boaz (Ruth 4:5-10) Go to a party and hide. When the women come out to dance, grab one and carry her off to be your wife. -- Benjaminites (Judges 21:19-25) Have God create a wife for you while you sleep. Note: this will cost you a rib. -- Adam (Genesis 2:19-24)

An Open Letter to America

Dear America, With the republican president, the republican majority in house and senate, and the republican majority on the supreme court, the republicans control the entire government. So any problems that arise, take it up with them please. Sincerely, Bozzy (this is how America knows me, duh!)


Alright stop, collaborate and listen-- actually don't...just hear me out...if you see a '1' after a bunch of '!!!!' after an internet acronym of some sort, please be aware that I started this. I don't remember when exactly, but awhile back I started doing this, and nobody else was!!!!!!1 So please, stop stealing, because it is in danger of not being cool anymore. 35872 people have not acknowledged my invention (okay I stole this line from maddox , but the 111s are all mine!=)


What about DominatrixWoman?

Website mixup!

Ever wanted to combine CNN and porn ? Now you can!

Supporting the Troops? Yeah, right.

Does anybody find it funny that Bush cut military funding , then just recently, gave more money to NASA for space exploration? $12 billion over five years, just $1 billion of which would be new money for NASA. read more... Yes, that $1 billion of new money to NASA could have been spent better on the troops, giving them great healthcare. But hey, Bush is not one to support the troops. What a crock. Bush cares more about space exploration than giving veterans health care. I find that funny.

Road Rage

So, I'm not perfect, but I do get even. I drove Jenna to work today, and on the way back, some asshole in a pickup wanted me to turn in front of moving vehicles. He must have wanted me to die or something. He honked his horn because I was waiting for the safe moment to pull out into the road. Excuse me, but only I will be determine when it is safe for ME to get onto the road. About 15 seconds later, I pull out, try to get all the way over the left most lane, and couldn't, because I was muscled onto the road by some redneck who just wanted to stay in the right most lane. So I drive up behind him at the next traffic light and beep my horn _like crazy_ at him. I mean, I was totally spazzing at this guy. And you know what? It felt good. I am so tired of people who try to muscle others around on the road. Oh excuse me for not turning fast enough for you, YOUR MAJESTY, but I prefer to wait til it's SAFE. God, if I hadn't had to get something back to block ballbuster, I would

Are we there yet?

I'm here! You're there! Or are you here? Is here there? If I'm here, and you're here, then who is there? Nobody? Nobody is there! We are all here! There must be a lonely place, as nobody is there, because everybody is here! Nobody needs a cell phone, so he can come over here and stop being over there! Everybody can stay here. That's for damn sure.

Waitaminute there

For example, Dean's wife, who has stubbornly kept her maiden name , gets only a passing mention in the lengthy profile. read on...if you dare Was that condescending remark really necessary? I mean, who the hell cares if she kept her maiden name, lots of women do that. How old is this writer, 140?

Do you like to drive?

Well my friends and I do. Yesterday, that's what we did. We drove approximately 150 miles for no reason, well other than the fact that we were bored. We left Columbia at like 5pm and arrived in Cumberland (still in maryland) at about 7:30...and we had no reason to go there!! That's the best part! We just ate, got gas (not from the food, thankfully), and drove back! We were home by 11:30! It was great. Everybody should just go on a random spontaneous roadtrip, it's very healthy for you. I just made that last part up. It could be healthy, but to find out, I'd have to do research and run tests, and frankly, I don't want to do that. If you don't try this, I will have to have to rape you with an Orangutan's testicle smothered in tomato juice, and then sell your fingernails for crack money.

Ways to Kill a Sim

1. Starvation. Get them in a room and then delete the way out, or even trap them on a 1x1 square of the game. 2. Drowning. Get them in a pool and then delete the ladders. Works best with children. 3. Electric Shock. Tell a sim to change the lightbulb or something, and hopefully they will get shocked. 4. Fire. Put a rug in the kitchen and tell them to cook something, they will set the rug on fire. 5. Depression. Make them stay home from work (or school, kids count too!) and they get depressed, don't do anything, and eventually die. Did I miss anything? I haven't played it recently or anything, just thinking of ways to kill a sim.


This movie is actually quite entertaining. I was skeptical, as Ben Affleck and John Woo have kinda stunk lately...but they're both on the game here. Ya know, Affleck always seems to be good in an action role, he was great in 'Sum of All Fears'. He needs to stay away from the romantic roles, he can't do those. Wait, that'll just make want to try those more to be better...Ben, you're really awesome in those roles, 'Gigli' was the sleeper hit of last year. Uggg...yuck. I need a bath. Go see Paycheck, it's entertaining and not predictable.

The Return of the King

It's official . The King has returned to Washington. He's 63, but so are Parcells and Vermeil. 63 ain't old. Issues: 1. Gibbs is old. BUT: Dick Vermeil is four years older, and his team is in the playoffs. 2. The game has passed him by. BUT: He's one of the winningest coaches of all time. 3. He went out on top. BUT: He could be just the man to save the franchise. Courtesy of Now, if Champ Bailey still does not want to return to the Skins, then he can go to hell. Because Gibbs will turn the Skins around .


Joe Gibbs, the Hall of Fame coach who led the Washington Redskins to three Super Bowl titles in the 1980s and early '90s, has reached a tentative contract agreement to return as head coach of the Washington Redskins, sources said today. Attorneys on both sides were working out final contract details today. It appeared likely, barring last minute snags, that Gibbs would be formally introduced as the Redskins new coach at a news conference on Thursday, though some kind of announcement by the team could come as soon as today. Redskins officials said they would have no comment for now. Do you want to know more? O.M.F.G!!! JOE GIBBS!!!! GOD!!!!! COMING BACK!!!! HOW SWEET IT IS!!! Thanks for the heads up Oliver !

Christians? Nudists? Tampa? Whaaa?

MAN SEEKS CHRISTIAN NUDIST COLONY HUDSON, Fla. - Piles of trash, dirty lakes, racist property deeds and pedophiles living nearby have not deterred one man's dream of creating a Christian-themed nudist community. Bill Martin has purchased about 240 acres of land about 30 miles outside Tampa for a little more than $1.6 million, much of it on the site of an old nudist colony that had fallen into disrepair, which he and his business partners hope to transform into a modern-day Garden of Eden. "The Bible very clearly states that when Adam and Eve were in right with God, they were naked," said David Blood, executive director of the project. "When people are in right with God, they do not have to fear nudity." A nudist community in America! Yeah, that'll last!

Britney Spears marries

That's right, Britney Spears is no longer available to all of us normal guys. Like we ever really had a chance, well at least you didn't. UPDATE: The Marriage License (thanks to Oliver for the link) ANOTHER UPDATE: 1/6/04 12:26AM ANNULED

Peter Pan (2003)

This is about the most accurate depiction of the Peter Pan story as any film has done...but it's not good. While they show every aspect, from Peter trying to catch his shadow, to all the lost boys and Tiger Lily the Indian, the whole movie just seems to be an overview...none of the aspects of the story are really focused on. Then again, I still say 'Hook' is the best Peter Pan movie, for the reason that it is different. This rendition of Peter Pan just has nothing new, but for what it is, it is enjoyable. If all you want is the original story, then see this, but just don't expect a lot of detail.

Best movies of 2003

It's that time of year again... Movies I haven't seen yet: Elephant, American Splendor, Matchstick Men, Bubba Ho-tep, Mystic River, Thirteen, Master and Commander, The Italian Job, Lost in Translation, and Big Fish. Honorable Mention: Holes, A Mighty Wind, Terminator 3, The Matrix Sequels, Elf, Anger Management, Scary Movie 3, The Cat in the Hat, and Williard. 15. 28 Days later 14. Identity 13. Stuck on You 12. Bruce Almighty 11. Confidence 10. Once upon a time in mexico 9. Open Range 8. Pirates of the Carribean 7. Seabiscuit 6. Bad Santa 5. Bend it like Beckham 4. Cold Mountain 3. Kill Bill Vol 1 2. The Last Samurai 1. LOTR: The Return of the King Yes, this is the year of the sword.

New Year Resolutions

Okay, I guess I should do some...but what exactly does "resolution" mean? Breaking it down, you've got "re" and "solution", I know that "solution" means the end to something, like a problem, and "re" is used to do it all over right from the getgo, we're failing in our "resolutions" because the word itself implies that we do it every let's just call it a "to do" list. To Do in 2004 control my temper better, you know, just cut out the anonymous death threats quit the knee-jerk reactions think more keep improving myself pray to the Jobs Gods for the safety of my G5 cut down on carbohydrates um, this is embarrassing, this is all I can think of? I think considering how lazy I am, it is best to keep this list short.