Bozzy's World

I am completely and utterly crushed by the news of Mitch's passing . He's the same age as my sister. WTF. He was supposed to be performing this Thursday thru Sunday at the Baltimore Improv and I was planning to go. Weekend's free guys. Rest in peace, Mitch. In your next life, remember that you die after you come to Baltimore, not before. Here's a collection of Mitch-isms . Update: 4/1 5:40pm What's with all these fucking rumors? The only article that comes up on a google news search for "mitch hedberg heroin overdose" is this one at blogcritics.org , and that's not a reputable news source. All of the "real" media is reporting this as a heart failure. Can we wait until the autopsy is completed before spreading this heroin shit? Also stop it with the "Is this an April Fools joke?" shit. Seriously, he died on March 30th. The news spread on March 31st. Just because you first heard it on April Fools Day, doesn't mean it's a jo

It's international blog comment week. Guess they now have a week for everything, which only means that International Bozzy Lookalike week is right around the corner... yeah. so comment, bitches.

ROBOTS There's so many stars in this movie, but the best has to be Robin Williams, without a doubt. He completely stole this movie. Too bad a few of his great lines were stolen by the preview, but he did have enough to spare. All in all, this is a film kids and adults will enjoy together, for different reasons. It's on sound moral grounds as well. It has a great message that everybody is spedecial and that everybody can accomplish anything. Take the kids, the dogs, the cats, the gerbials, and the goldfish, they can all benefit. THE RING TWO You cannot say that about this one. Take yourself, and maybe a friend, if you want to see him/her suffer a slow and painful death. 7 days? Forget that shit, this will kill you in 2 hours. It's basically a continutation from the first movie, but uses most of the same gags. The big difference? It tries to get all Exorcist on your ass. That's right, Samara now wants to possess Aidan! It's not completely devoid of horror, the scene i

What's wrong, you know I've never driven before! I'm supposed to be hiting the cones, right? What's the engine light and why is it on? What's that screeching sound? Why is there a tree in our path? It's okay, I'm only my fourth mudslide. The kid told us to go straight on til morning... What the fuck does yield mean? Ouch, don't bite. Hon, pass me another shot of Jager, I see a deer!

I received this postcard in the mail today. At first I was taken aback because it says they're "trying to reach me" and that they have "good news", I thought immediately this was the California lottery (which I play DAILY!) informing me a winning ticket... Of course by then I had put down my shot of Jager and realized they would have called me had I won, and that I didn't win anything. I was still very curious about who wanted to reach me. So I did what any good American tax-paying citizen would do: I went to the neighborhood Google and they referred me to their website, aptly named Google.com . I didn't think much of their website at first, it was just a few links and this bar thingy, but I played along and realized I HAD ALL THE INFORMATION IN THE WORLD AT MY FINGERTIPS! So I did what any soon to be evil dictator would do with all the world's information melting on the tips of their fingers... I did a search, dumbass. That search lead me to this pl

The Pope is trying to steal Terri's spotlight (she's getting too Jesus-like) and is going on a feeding tube himself ! WHEN WILL IT END?!?!11eleven1!!!

Granted I woke up at 2pm to do so, but I still feel great. I was out late, when to the ottobar to see grand buffet , they're a fucking riot. I'd put them in the same category as Tenacious D , except rap instead of rock. Yeah, Grand Buffet is the rap version of Tenacious D. Gotta jet. Til next time... keep doing whatever it is that you're doing.

Here's a little something I'd like to say is my contribution to the struggling musician, you know, how to make his band UN-SUCK and NOT SUCK. 1. Do not write your songs while you are inebriated. I know it feels good to be drunk or high, but this is not the ideal writing situation. You are not Edgar Allen Poe. 2. When you perform live, do not set the amp too high. If I cannot hear your vocals, there is no point in your songs even having vocals. I want guitar riffs, I want vocals. I do not want noise. 3. If I want to buy your CD, I will, you don't need to interupt your songs to tell me so. 4. See #1 5. Your band should never have more than 2 electric guitars. Put in a bass or a acoustic guitar, or hell, maybe even a keyboard. Mix it up. 6. If your band tortures small children and small animals (large animals and children okay), then nobody will want to see you perform live. 7. Shouting is not singing. 8. Being on key is important. 9. See #1 10. If you take off your shirt, do

You can turn your blog into a book , an actual, real-life, book. Interesting....but I can't see the point of doing that until you stop posting new posts...well you could release a new volume every year, I guess.

I <3 Loofahs There is a heaven, and in it, my skin is smooth as a baby's ass.

MIT nerds make alarm clock that walks... and talks! Okay maybe not talks, they weren't that nerdy.

Mitch Hedberg once said "the only way I could get my old CD into stores would be to take it there and leave it." Well, that's what this guy did, only he did it with his crappy paintings and a museum.

Japan to Japanese Youth Sumo Wrestlers: Sorry kids, you can't wear pants to cover up your fat ass. By the way, you're fat.

This is the issue that will end the republican majority . You do not try to nullify a branch of the Government, especially if you are one of those branches. Bad. Bad. Bad. (thanks to Oliver )

Just got back Fletcher's , seein' 7 Days Torn . They've got a grungy / hard rock sound, it's pretty sweet. The songs I recommend (besides all) are " Flow " and "Three Kings". Also, BALLYHOO! played right after them, I just love "On My Own" and " Scarlet Blue ", love that sublime & cake sound.

I have a sinus infection, which is almost as bad as having a Linus infection, but it's still pretty bad. I just found out the Augmentin I was prescribed is going to cost me $90, that's a little absurd, don't you think? It's also more than I can afford. Thank you, CareLast with your "pay now, submit paper claim form later" asinine policy. If you would like to donate, paypal any amount to boz@bozzysworld.com . You'll finally be able to earn my respect, or hold on to that respect if you think you already have it. ^_^ Update 10pm I got $26 so far...$1 from Froggie and $25 from "Boanerges", a poster on teh forums. You guys rock. another update: 7:45am 3/22 Jason donated $4 to push the total to $30. yet another update 1pm I lowered prices for the blogads , just $10 for a 1-week ad. The most cost-effective is the 3-month ad, which is $70. So you can buy an ad to donate to the fund, and actually get something for your money! shit, he keeps updating,

This is the best car commerical you will ever see. Ever.

If you're not sure, click here .

I just thought of the PERFECT commercial for the Scion xB! It's hip to be square ! Come on, it's catchy, so viewers win, it fits the xB to a T, Scion wins, and it gives exposure to Huey Lewis and the News! Win win win! I should work in advertising.

I was reading Google News this morning and I saw this mess about this woman named Terry Schiavo , who's apparently been on life support for about the last 15 years. I think that's absurdly cruel to do to a human being, to leave them alive when they cannot think or do the normal things we take for granted. It's really just a matter of the family being selfish and/or afraid to start the grieving process, they keep their daughter/wife alive so they never have to do that. Lazy fucking childish bastards. Furthermore, this is yet another incident of Congress wasting tax payer dollars for bullshit reasons. First it was MLB and steroids, as if the Government needs to be involved in sports...now it's this fucking story. The fate of the country does not rest on Terry Schiavo, don't throw money at it. For a background of the case, head on over to About.com .

Three gay men are in a bar, one of them farts, but it's silent and nobody notices. Everybody keeps talking. A few minutes later, the second one farts, it's not quite as silent, but nobody notices. A few more minutes go by, and the third gay man really let's one rip, the other two gay men look over and shout, "VIRGIN!"

And I used to keep my makeup in a squirrel hole, up the tree. And uh, and the squirrel would keep makeup on one side, and he’d keep nuts on the other side. And sometimes I’d get up that tree and that squirrel would be covered in makeup! “La la, la la, oh, oh. What? Fuck off!” he seemed to say. And they always eat n – squirrels always eat nuts with two hands, always two hands, arararar, and occasionally, they stop and go, oh, uh, ah, as if they’re going, “Did I leave the gas on? No! I’m – no – I’m a fucking squirrel!” And occasionally they go, “Fucking nuts! Fed up with them always. I long for a grapefruit.” Yeah. So that’s very much like the army. And, umm – the running jumping climbing trees is, not the squirrel bit, the – the trees bit. -- Eddie Izzard (Thanks to Zoe for the image)

Yes, it's all very tragic, but I think something has been overlooked... And so, she said, Brandenn's kidneys were donated to two people, his liver went to a 22-month-old So um, a 22-month-old toddler (two months shy of two years, for the mathmatically impaired) has the liver of a 14 year old boy? How does it fit?

Yes, I heard a few days ago that Hollywood is planning on remaking The Blob , the 1958 movie staring Steve McQueen. But get this, Hollywood already did this. They remade it in 1988 , starring Kevin Dillon, so this one in 2005 will be the third. This is getting absurd, stop fucking with my parents classics, and stop fucking with my terrible remakes. The Blob x 3 + a sequel. Wow. Just...wow. Well, at least nobody remade the sequel to the 1958 version that came out in 1972.

I absolutely love this song , it came out a couple years ago, was never really mainstream and I do not understand why .

The snow has no effect on Al Franken ... (thanks to Dave Barry )

I cannot wait til Sin City comes out. I mean, look at the cast: Rosario Dawson, Jessica Alba, Elijah Wood, Bruce Willis, Benecio Del Toro, Michael Clarke Duncan, Josh Hartnett, Michael Madsen, Brittney Murphy, Clive Owen, Mickey Rourke, Jamie King, Nick Stahl, and not to mention that Frank Miller and Quentin Tarantino are guest directors! But they had me at Rosario Dawson.

Yeah, but what do they taste like? For the cubicle dwellers, if you bring your lunch to work, bring bathroom supplies too.

Going to the dentist is never a pleasant experience, but maybe it would be better if there were semen involved? Or not. Moving on, "28 Days Later" hits Louisburg, NC... Well, I gotta go, I know I promised three stories, but I gotta buy this man a drink.

Put this dog in porn.

Suspect last scene on fleeing Chow Yo Mein's bagel eatery. Armed and dangerous. May possess manhole covers.

Today is steak and BJ day, so women (or men...) you better have something good on the stove! And I'm not talking about steak...wait yes I am, ouch. It's also Pi Day (hehe get it 3.14 *gigglesnort*) and Einstein's birthday , I'm such a geek. Wait, I'm not done yet, potato chips have a day today and so do the frozen dead , but not the thawed dead, fuck those fuckers, let 'em rot.

Yes, apparently finger holes aren't the only requested neccesity for bowling balls.

"82 Cobras stolen from Red Cross facility" Do you want to know more? Why 82? That's such an odd number...even...you know what I mean.

Photoshop has no known author, but I saw it on WumpusVA's Bloggins

Did you know that older siblings are smarter? I'm glad I'm the oldest....unless half-siblings count...fuck....do they? Shit, now I'm going to be thinking about this all damn day!

If you are a judge and are on house arrest, do not take NyQuil...just a heads up. Seriously, you can thank me later.

March 31st to April 3rd....at the Baltimore Improv.... Mitch Hedberg ! I am so there.

CURRENTLY: You file for bankruptcy and you get released from your credit card debt and you cannnot get any credit for at least 7 years. ONCE THE BILL GOES INTO EFFECT (it's already been signed): You file for bankruptcy, but you do NOT get released from your credit card debt. You cannot get credit for at least 7 years. What is the fucking point of filing for bankruptcy if you still have to pay your debts to your creditors? Is this bill retroactive? Do the people who died years ago with debts still owe money? Do their families still owe this money? This is fucking gay. Gay gay gay gay. Really, this is getting absurd. I hope every one of the 74 senators who approved of this bullshit bill get dysentery and die a slow and painful death.

BE COOL This film is made out to be action packed but in actuality it's one of the most boring and utterly pointless films ever produced. You just have a bunch of actors playing out there most stereotypical role they've done. You've got John Travolta as Vincent Vega, you've got Uma Thurman as Beatrix Kiddo, you've got Harvey Keitel as Mr. White, and you've even got Steven Tyler as himself, however, he was at least a little amusing. Basically, if this movie is worth watching at all it's because of Vince Vaughn , The Rock , and Cedric the Entertainer , but what do I know about that? I saw it for free. So I'll say this, if you can see this for free, see it; else, don't. THE JACKET As soon as I saw that Keira Knightley was in this, I was sold. The plot isn't bad either. It's basically along the same lines as THE BUTTERFLY EFFECT, and Adrien Brody has a new fan: me. I've never really noticed him much, but he's actually pretty damn go

Michele has a great idea, but I'm not entirely copying her, I did say I've been trying to will spring into being, so consider this post a followup. Oh and I expect all of you to go to iTunes and download (that means BUY) any of the songs you do not have or have never listened to, because music piracy is fucking wrong and if you do it, I can't really respect you. That said, here's the playlist:

Think about that for a bit.

Homework: Find the gas station closest to you with the highest price of regular gas and vandalize it's propterty. Spray paint "LOL PRICE GOUGING IS FUN!" somewhere on the property. Hell you could even spray paint, " OPEC has anal with America ", but just don't go saying I made you do it if you are dumb enough to get caught. If you really wanna get noticed, destroy the station's price chart. Have fun, and try not to get arrested. BTW, If you are not angry at the moment, listen up: In the next few days prices will jump 24 cents , to a national average of $2.16. Thank you President Bush, you fucking pussy. There is a good thing, however, the dumbfucks are not buying SUVs and trucks .

Okay, not to beat a dead horse, I know this issue is old, but who cares about his sexuality ? Why is it an issue? I mean, I think he's a creepy right-wing nut, but why isn't that enough? Why does his sexuality matter? Lighten up, people.

Money spent on gas ... $20 Price of admission into Sonar ... $22.50 Losing your glasses to a gust a wind while waiting in line to get into Sonar ... priceless! Yeah, we got to Sonar at about 7PM last night, and had to stand outside in the fucking cold for an hour before they let us in to see the show ...I mean before they FRISKED us and then let us in. And um, it was windy, to say the least. Everybody was joking around at first but things started to get ugly when people started shouting "IT'S FUCKING COLD!!!! LET US IN!!!!", but anyway, back to the wind and how windy it was... This huge gust came down, while I happened to be standing on a sewer grate, knocked my glasses off, and before I could even say the word 'glasses', they were gone. We looked all around the grate, the ally it was in the middle of, and alas, no glasses. I lost my glasses in Baltimore. But Chevelle rocked. And we played pool with the lead singer of Crossfade , Eddie Sloan. Quote of the day: &

It was so nice yesterday. Really nice. I washed my car. I walked around naked. I mean, I wore a t-shirt. Yeah, it wasn't quite warm enough to be a nudist, but it was still warm. It was even warm at night. I saw "The Jacket" last night. Got in for free; I have cool friends. When the movie ended, around midnight, it was still 66 degrees outside! I wake up today and there's snow on the ground and it's in the 20s. Let's clarify that. 70s yesterday, 20s today. I believe Lewis Black said best, "and my balls can't take it. big small big small big..." It's been about 5 or 6 years since I have had any sort of math class, but I think that's a temperature drop of about 50 degrees, what about you? And I thought I was willing Spring into action yesterday. See, for the past few days I've been wearning t-shirts and not using the heat in my car, because God damnit, Spring is a state of mind, and if I dress and act like it's Spring, then by golly,

The Gas stations around here just leaped foward in $$$ (not time, jackass) from $1.99 to $2.09, in like two days, for regular unleaded gasoline. What the hell is going on? A year ago the prices were $1.67, and that generated tons of outrage. What, are we to believe that this winter has been the coldest ever in the last 100,000 million gazillion billion years that the cost of oil to heat our homes is like a million billion fucking dollars? It's the same fucking amount it's always been. Next we'll hear how gas prices will have to be around $2.50 during the summer because of all the travel people do. Yes, it's the same amount of travel people did under the Clinton Administration, but nowadays people like to drive around aimlessly and also make a 4,000 mile trek to visit their dog. Plus all the teens love doing donuts in the Denny's parking lot from 2am to 5am, every God foresaken day. Yes, we consistantly use more and more gas! Everyone at OPEC needs to be killed. I m

Just got back from club orpheus , there's so many babes there, oh my God. Many a free show for the Bozzy. I'm spent.

I am NOT making this up , I am so serious. St. James Davis had severe facial injuries and would require extensive surgery in an attempt to reattach his nose, Dr. Maureen Martin of Kern Medical Center told KGET-TV of Bakersfield. His testicles and a foot also were severed , Kern County Sheriff's Cmdr. Hal Chealander told The Bakersfield Californian. ... Buddy, a 16-year-old male chimp, initiated the attack and after he was shot, Ollie, a 13-year-old male, grabbed the gravely injured man and dragged him down the road , authorities said. So in addition to bananas, monkey's also like nuts. Stupid man.

It's an honorary knighthood , but it's just a technicality, he still has access to the same functions as the real knights. Well, real as in real of a Brit's teeth. Not very real. No, he just sits around waiting for Her Royal Highness to come running up with the Blue Screen of Death or another Windows problem. Queen Elizabeth says, "You fixed my 'puter! I knight you!" Yes I am actually picturing her saying that. Not because she can, because I'm weird. What do the real knights get to do? Well aside from being called "sir" until they are dead and then still called for sir til people forget them, they most likely get access to the Castles! How many castles are there? Nobody really knows for sure, but our guess is a lot ! Yeah, so them real knights get to come to the castle whenever they want. No, that's actually not the case. What if the queen just showered or bowered or shathed ? I'm sure they'd have to call first. Each castle has it'

If you aren't aware, I'm a big guy. I'm almost six foot five inches tall. As a result, most bath tubs simply are too tiny for the likes of myself. But taking baths can be so very relaxing sometimes....those times where the half of you not underwater isn't freezing that is. That's the main problem. I can only have half of me underwater at any given moment. How can I relax in those conditions? Then today it suddenly dawned on me. Why not leave the showerhead running while I'm sitting down in the tub? That way, my underwater and above water halves are happy as one is underwater and the other is being hit with hot water! "Eureka!" I probably would have said if I was the one to use such words, but I actually said something along the lines of, "Cool", and continued masturbating washing the dirt off. Now I now what you're about to say, baths are disgusting because you just sit around in your stagnant filth. Yes, I'm aware, that's why I

Yahoo! has turned 10 years old today. Can you believe it? A website that's 10 years old. But it's not the oldest, This site turns 20 on The Ides of March, this year , according to some fools on the Internet Archive forum . But yeah, Yahoo! is 10 now. Does this mean the friendly Yahoo! is ending and now will question authority at every chance it gets and won't respect adults?

It's pretty sad that we needed the Supreme Court to tell us not to kill kids.

"I'm open to school closing tomorrow, if that some how effects the decision." - Kevin Cupp 's away message.