Great Scott! 1.21 Gigawatts!

HERZLIYA, Israel (Reuters) - An Israeli start-up has developed a processor that uses optics instead of silicon, enabling it to compute at the speed of light, the company said.

Wow!!! What else moves at the speed of light....A BOLT OF LIGHTNING!

Matt Groening's funniest ever

"Now Fox has a new rule that we can't do those little fake news crawls on the bottom of the screen in a cartoon because it might confuse the viewers into thinking it's real news," he said.

read more...

What kind of stupid fucking idiots would mistake a cartoon for real news? Oh right, Foxnews' key demographic. My bad.

The Texas Chainsaw Massacre

I knew I shouldn't have seen this. Remakes almost always suck in comparison the original. Alas, there are some cool effects in this, but some piss poor direction. Okay, if you say it's set in 1973, then why the hell does Jessica Biel (who is hot, no bad movie can take away hotness) wear hipster jeans??!?! That's a product of the 90s!!! Come on, it sounds stupid to care about stuff like that, but there's no excuse for those kind of errors! If you get that out of your mind, the only redeeming aspect to this film was the first death. Girl eats bullet. Camera zooms backwards thru the hole in her head and keeps moving backwards thru the hole in the rear windshield of the van, then a closeup of smoke coming out of her mouth. That got the expectations for the remainder of the film pretty damn high. R. Lee Ermy was his usual self as the corupt sherrif, but this film is just pathetic. There really wasn't a reason to remake this, other then money of course.

Scary Movie 3

Now, I am a big fan of Wayans comedy, but even I was glad they gave the third movie to comedy legend David Zucker (Airplane, Hotshots, and Naked Gun). Scary Movie has a lot of the same characters (minus the Wayans bros), there's that Cindy Campbell chick (who is now a tv anchor) and Brenda Meeks (who is now a school teacher, hehe).

One of the first things I noticed was that for each movie that was spoofed, Zucker used the same lighting scheme from that movie. I never remember this happening in the previous 2, Keenan Ivory Wayans kept the lightning scheme constant for the entirity of both films. Maybe I'm just not remembering correctly, but I swear I am.

Back to Zucker, he hasn't done a pure spoof in a while now, but he is not rusty. This spoof rivals hotshots, airplane, or even the naked gun. And you don't even have to know he directed this, because when you see characters getting routinely and randomly hit with blunt objects, you know you're dealing with the same brillant mind that brought you The Naked Gun.

Scary Movie 3 is the best of the series, and I cannot wait for Scary Movie 4. I remember being horrified that they were making a third movie, but I am not horrorified of any more additions.

Okay, I am off to see "The Texas Chainsaw Massacre", later.

Another Coverup at the Whitehouse

The white house is trying to stop people from searching for all of it's boo-boo's. As Oliver said, how "Lame".

Leisure Suit Larry!

Doesn't THIS just bring back a flood of memories? If you're cool, it should. This series was the bestest computer game series ever made and I was so addicted to this in middle & high school. Back in the day, man, back in the day.

Oh yeah, peruse over to that link, they're releasing a new one!!! o_O_o

Kill Bill Stream (warning: spoilers)

I promised you more thought on KILL BILL in my initial post about it, so here it is, it's disorganized and just pretty much a stream of conciousness, so don't tell your english professor to read it. I may get embarrassed.
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This is quentin's best film ever. PULP FICTION and RESERVOIR DOGS were great too, I'm not belittleing them, but Kill Bill is much more intense, the story is just as interesting, and just cool.

I absolutely loved the 'anime' sequence in the middle. I thought it was a great way of storytelling....and speaking of great story telling, when he went to black&white during the crazy88's battle. That was FUCKING BRILLIANT. The gore was starting to get over the top, and he also had to show that after a certain amount of death, the bride lost a lot of emotion...but then it goes back to color when she see's that one of the fighters is just a boy. This ties back to her wanting to be a mother and upset that she possibly lost her baby.

Lucy Liu's death scene was great, and that battle was great too.

As for the dialogue, this film wasn't about great dialogue, it's quentin homage to grindhouse cinema, it's supposed to be cheesy and stuff. Great dialogue would look odd in this movie. It wouldn't jive well with the cartoonish gore.

But to flat out say this movie has bad dialogue is stupid and moronic, it's just different dialogue, there's still great one-liners and chemistry between the actors. The battle between the bride and Vivica A. Fox's character was hilarious...the best part was the KaBoom cereal!

And the line "you know, for a second there, yeah, I kinda did" when ORen asked the bride, "You didn't think it would be thaaaat easy, did you?", was great. The previews made it look like a throwaway line, but it's not and it worked.

UMA THURMAN IS MY GODDESS. I WANT ETHAN HAWKE TO DIE SO I CAN MARRY HER!!!! Just kidding, but I love tall women. Especially tall, sexy, women brandishing swords.

Blood doesn't really gush 20 feet into the air when a limb is severered, and it doesn't last for 5 minutes...it's more like 4-5 feet and at most 10 seconds, after that you'd have no blood left to gush. Maybe I'm a little off with those numbers, but I know 20 feet is alittle much...who cares, this is a movie, people.

I'd say it's a toss-up between Tarantino and Roridguez about whether which one has yanked the action crown from John Woo, because they both have just taken violence to a whole new level and made it much more of an artform. I mean, John Woo did that as well, but Quentin and Robert have just raised the bar so much, it's incredible. These two are great for the future of cinema.

Anyway, when I first heard it was going to be released in two movies, I thought it was kinda stupid, but I think 3.5 hours of cartoonish gore would have just gotten monotanous afterawhile and quentin doesn't want to bore people, and he likes cliff hangers.

I was pleasantly surprised to see the sherriff from, FROM DUSK TILL DAWN, Michael Parks in a small role in this movie (playing a sherrif, lol)...I can't wait for vol2 to see more of michael madsen and david carradine, and I am glad he played bill and not Warren Beatty, David Carradine looks much more badass with a samarai sword.

Oh and it's not coincidence that ONCE UPON A TIME IN MEXICO was released only 2 months ago...it was supposed to be out like a year ago or so, but I think robert rodriguez wanted it to be close to kill bill...just guessing on my part, but it wouldnt surprise me. Both movies have a cartoonish quality about them, one uses guns and launching people when they get shot, and the other has fountains of blood from swords.

I cannot wait for vol2 in feb04 and INGLORIOUS BASTARDS in 2005.
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phew, that was a lot of typing. now I must go rest my fingers...where's jessica alba when you need to finger her?

This Century's Who's On First

This is some funny shiat.

WHO'S ON FIRST FOR THE 21ST CENTURY

ABBOTT: Ultimate SuperDuper Computer Store. Can I help you
COSTELLO: Thanks. I'm setting up a home office in the den, and I'm thinking
of buying a computer.

ABBOTT: Mac?
COSTELLO: No, the name is Bud.

ABBOTT: Your computer?
COSTELLO: I don't own a computer. I want to buy one

ABBOTT: Mac?
COSTELLO: I told you, my name is Bud.

ABBOTT: What about Windows?
COSTELLO: Why? Does it get stuffy?

ABBOTT: Do you want a computer with Windows?
COSTELLO: I don't know. What do I see when I look out the windows?

ABBOTT: Wallpaper.
COSTELLO: Never mind the windows. I need a computer and software.

ABBOTT: Software that runs on Windows?
COSTELLO: No, on the computer! I need something I can use to write proposals, track expenses. You know, run a business. What have you got? ...continue reading...

It's painfully obvious...

Baseball is fixed like a domesticated dog.

Hey Brian...

It's delux, son, delux!

...

get it right, it's delux_247, son.

The Prescription Drug War

Did you know that Americans are the only people in the world who have to cover the research costs of prescription drugs? Did you know that this said research is done mostly in other countries? Did you know that those other countries do not make their citizens pay for the research costs?

Did you know that the price of prescription drugs in America is much greater than in any other nation because of this fact?

Why are Americans being singled out to pay for the cost of research?

I think it's time for other countries to start stepping up to the plate and taking their share of the responsibilty, afterall, the majority of the research isn't even done in the USA.

It is unfair to put all these costs squarely on Americans. Thank you Governor Bush.

Yeah, I'm an uncle for the 5th time!

My brother just had his third child...um well, his wife did. Unlike their first two, it's a boy and named Evan. If you know me, then you know the last name.

I now have 3 neices and 2 nephews. And I also have 10 fingers and 10 toes, and a belly button...

EDIT
Shit, holidays just got more expensive. Always a downside. Always a downside. lol

'Columbus Day' is a joke

Christopher Columbus disovered nothing. The dago was just a dirty shit for brains, no good eyetie who slaughtered tribes of Native Americans and gave them diseases. Giving the goomba a holiday is a slap in the face. Guido deserves no respect and the wop makes Italians everywhere look bad.

Kill Bill Review Vol 1

Yes, this is volume 1 of my review. I cannot really review this, because quite frankly, I want everybody to see it, and I don't want to give anything away. Instead I will give you a few pointers as to how to watch this movie.

1. This movie is told in CHAPTER format. Each chapter is a story unto itself. They each move the story along, but think of it as just peices to a much bigger puzzle, even volume 2 (set to hit theaters in feb04) won't solve. It's ok. You're brain will fill in the missing peices. Think of it as a book in motion.
2. If you've seen any of Quentin's previous films, then you know he likes to shake things up, put em in a blender and just let the film cut itself together. It's not quite the same out of orderness as in PULP FICTION, because it's told in chapter format, but the chapters are not in order from beginning to end.
3. If you don't like blood, then you will probably hate this film, but go see it anyway, it's a movie that you've never seen before. It pulls from every martial art/exploitation/anime/kungfu film, or maybe just the ones Quentin loves, but either one is good enough.
4. Uh, you're still reading? Get to the theater, beeeotch; I hope I didn't spoil anything for you.

Click below if you saw the film...

Just Bought Tickets

Fun starts tonight at 8.

PRO-NUN-CI-ATION

Okay, I am tired of people pronouncing Laveranues Coles' name wrong. Misspellings are fine, it's a tough name to spell, but come on people, show some respect and learn how to say his name, especially if you call a game for a living. I find it pretty rude when the announcer will shorten his name to Lav Coles. It's not even a hard name to say. Let's break it down.

La vern e us

La as in tralalallala I'm singing, vern as in that friend Ernest P Worrel always talks to, e as the letter e, and us as in you and me.

The most common way I have heard people pronounce this name is, La ver news. That's so stupid I feel dumb just typing it.

I think it's the a in the middle of the name that throws people, so just ignore that a, in fact, it's probably silent. I'm no linguist, but I don't hear an a, and there's no a in the syllable breakdown, so just pretend it's not there and we'll all be happy, k?

Best. Standup. Ever.

I just watched "Robin Williams: Live on Broadway" on hbo, 2 plus hours of funny shit. I don't know how I missed it when it premiered last summer. But now, I finally know where Jason got this.

I swear, watching Robin Williams perform is better than fucking.

How Incredibily Lame

President Bush has a blog. Suddenly, the blogging world went into nuclear winter. There's something, well many things wrong with it.

1. the author is "GeorgeWBush.com". Blogs are personal, morons. They have no clue.
2. There's no "comments" section. Why? Because Bush and Company could care less about what people think. Howard Dean's blog has a comments section. Hell, Dean even goes so far as to power his blog with Movable Type! Dean has comments and trackback on his blog. The Bush team is just clueless.
3. The lame 'what's a blog popup', how dare they call Bush's campaign grassroots. Nothing about it is grassroots. Not even remotely. He has a corporate money-making machine, he doesn't rely on the internet for money. They're just lying. And they're not even good at it.

I'm disgusted.

Um, no.

"Catherine Watson, 45, told a district court judge at a preliminary hearing that she nearly bled to death from the September 12 procedure, which was done on the dining room table of her McKeesport home in suburban Pittsburgh. She had to be hospitalized."

That's just wrong. Lock him up and throw away the key. Just, eww.

Bush still destroying jobs

On the surface this looks great, finally an end to those annoying spam calls. But then you realize how we've already lost tons of jobs under the Bush administration and this bill will force 2 million young people (twenty somethings usually) out of work. But who cares about them, the phone isn't ringing!

Meanwhile the companies who employ them get to make more money and put more money in their pension plans for all the VPs.

See, Bush destroys jobs.

Totally Radical, Dude

Kevin told me he's gonna be in Baltimore from November 21st-23rd or something, I think I remember correctly...I'm definitely going have to drive into Bal'mer and chill with this coo mofo. Okay, I'm not really hip. I'm a fucking dork. Ok? Jeez.

The School of Rock

Ah, music to my ears. Not only does this movie star the hilarious Jack Black, but it also enjoys sticking it to The Man (in this case, the edumacation system) and that is all Richard Linklater. All throughout the film Black is telling people to stay loose and be "loosey goosey", he was talking about music, but you can apply the same style to any linklater film. There's not really any reason to hate this movie. It's funny, has a good message, stars the gorgeous Joan Cusack. The kids in the movie all do a great job in their first film roles...most of them are actually talented young musicians, they're cute and funny in their interactions with Jack Black...shit, can I say kids are cute on the Internet?

In other words, this movie is the shizznizzle.

Never live in Columbia

People in this town move at the speed of light and couldn't be even the slightest bit bothered to be polite. I was just driving home and I had to merge over 2 lanes to turn left, and a stupid inpolite fucking minivan who was in the lane to my left was just set on going straight. Not only did they not let me switch lanes to turn left, they hung back til the last possible second then sped up and went thru the traffic light. Pisses me the fuck off. Don't live in Columbia. Nothing but rich assholes who drive minivans and SUVs.

Another thing, what the fuck is the point of having an SUV?!? Those are the ugliest things on the road. They're like trying to be a truck and a van but they're neither, they just use up too much gas and roll over. Give me a Chevy Camaro any day. Hell, I'll just stick with Honda, provided I don't have to drive the Element.

Meh.