Thursday, June 30, 2005

War of the Worlds

Despite having to wait an hour and eventually switch theaters because a projector wouldn't run properly, this movie was FUCKING AWESOME. Tom Cruise and Dakota Fanning feed off each other so well, who knows, maybe in ten years, they'll be dating. And let's not forget about Tim Robbins. I was surprised to see him in the movie, as I hadn't read much about the film, and I was overjoyed. His role was small, but it definitely enhanced the film. There isn't anything negative I can say about the film, there are some holes, but it's almost to be expected with films from this genre so I really don't care.

See this on the big screen or don't even bother.

Sunday, June 26, 2005

Oh yeah, I had to change a tire.

Pot holes suck. Fill them all now.

I apparently hit one. Not sure when, but probably in the past week. Today I was a gas station in Pikesville and some lady ran up to the car to tell me my right rear tire was flat. It was really flat. There's no apparent gash in it, so it can probably be sealed. I hope so. But yeah, I have my donut on now. Fuckin' donuts.

I also feel like shit. Have some sort of chest cold. Is it going around? Just took some NyQuil, the nighttime, sniffling, sneezing, coughing, aching, stuffy head, fever, how the fuck did I wake up on the kitchen floor medicine.

Going to sleep. And read my last post, my best friend is an escort, get her while her prices are cheap, 'cause she's so good, they're going nowhere but up. The best thing though, you all have to pay to see her naked. I don't. Bwhahahaha. I talk to her while she's taking a shower all the time. ^_^

The Orlando Bloom Audition Process OR Orlando Bloom Fucking Sucks

Anybody see Kingdom of Heaven? Yes, it sucks, but that's not my point. My point is that Orlando Bloom plays a blacksmith, again. He also has a sword, again.

Basically, when Orlando Bloom walks into an audition, he asks, "Can I play a blacksmith? No? Well do I at least get to play with a sword? ROCK ON, I'M IN!"

Orlando Bloom cannot act. He plays the same characters and the same roles. That is not acting. That is being yourself. Yes, I just called Orlando Bloom a fucking sword-carrying blacksmith. Got a problem with it, bitch? That's right... And what?!?

Orlando Bloom is the worst actor ever. He has zero range. If his range were a food that sucks it'd be really bad dog food. Put him in a Tarantino movie, at least let him get typecasted by somebody who's cool.

And one more thing, Orlando, you're not hot. Girls don't want you. I know, it stings, doesn't it?

The Cowardly Lion is a Pussy

Anybody ever realize that the cowardly lion in The Wizard of Oz was a pussy? In 2 of the 3 most popular definitions? I think about a lot when I'm bored.

Yet Another Friday Night Story

Okay, so I had yet another amazing night this past Friday (6/17). So great in fact that I've been too fucking tired to tell you all about it til now. I think you've dealt with those realizations pretty well. Patience is a virtue, never forget that.

Alright, so Friday at about 5:30 in the PM, I leave Columbia to go pick up Jenna in Pikesville. It usually takes about 25-30 minutes, it took 60. SIXTY FUCKING MINUTES. The reason? There was an accident on I-70 East. I must have been at a complete dead stop for 10 minutes at one point. Nothing was moving. Looking back it foreshadowed things to come quite nicely.

The traffic Gods AKA MD State Troopers finally cleared the cars to the side and traffic started moving, and I was able to speed on I-695 West to Liberty Road as traffic was moving mighty swiftly. I get on Liberty Road, make a right onto Washington Ave, then another right onto Millford Mill Road, and right before Reisterstown Road I get stuck behind an MTA bus. First it's picking up passengers, then the light turns red. After a couple grueling minutes, I am finally at Jenna's and she gets in the car and we head back to Randallstown to pick up Lily.

I told Lily I'd pick her up at 6:30, but it was 6:30 by the time I picked up Jenna, so we got to Lily's at about 7 in the PM. We stop at Walgreens to get cigarettes and Mountain Dew, and then head over to Reisterstown to pick up Liz. Once the last of the musketeers are in the car, we head back to I-695 West to Bel Air Road to go to a bar called the Mojo Lounge, where some local bands were playing. I didn't see much of the bands and I blame the bar. For they had a pool table upstairs. After about 40 minutes, we decided to leave to go to a pool (as in swimming) party in Lithicum, MD off of West Nursey Road. We leave Mojos and get back to the car, Liz has to pee. It's one of those really bad pees, apparently, and she could not hold it in. So she just pops a squat right then and there next to the car and tries to wonder up an ingenius new kind of toilet paper... she fails. Luckily for her, Jenna offers up her t-shirt, a t-shirt she will now never wear again, as toilet tissue.

Sunday, June 19, 2005

Kennedy and Lincoln

This is pretty creepy. Somebody posted this on myspace. The facts are legit.

Wednesday, June 15, 2005

Harry Potter in Troll?

Holy hell, I never realized that the movie Troll used the name "Harry Potter"... did JK Rowling get the name from this movie?

Tuesday, June 14, 2005

Condoleeza Chickens & Rice

I just saw Condoleeza Rice on MSNBC, and I must say, not only does she look like one, but she's as dumb as a gorilla on crack. God damn.

The 5 Stages of Drinking

"Who's Ruby?"

Saturday, June 11, 2005

Last night was like whoa

So I went to the movies with Jenna last night. We saw Cinderella Man, which was actually pretty great, after which we picked up Lily and the three of us went to Liz's... And that's where the night really started.

We all were just talking first, but then they all [editor's note: I did not buy any alcolhol] decided to go get some alcohol, leaving me alone in the apartment with a sleeping grandmother in the other room. A senile grandmother. Fun. But luckily, nothing happened. I shaked my fist at thee. They get back with the booze after about 20 minutes, and we watched some family guy, then played an innocent little drinking game.

Thursday, June 9, 2005

Thanks, SI

I stopped paying for Sports Illustrated about 6 months ago, but that hasn't stopped SI from continuing to send me the magazine at it's usual intervals. Thank you Sports Illustrated for your empty promises of 'THIS IS YOUR LAST ISSUE'! I'm never paying you again!


Sex beats masturbation by a landslide. Which is very refreshing to hear, but food destroys sex, and also sleep. So, in other words, everybody would rather eat than masturbate.

This has been a Bozzy's World study. You can resume eating your lemon meringue pie at any time.

Wednesday, June 8, 2005

Hey, so this is what it's like to blog.

I've been busy lately, so blogging has taken a back seat, but I'm still here, still funny as always. I'm actually working on something. I won't say what, but you have to guess.

It's start's with an 's' and also an 'r' and is not a superdocious refrigerator.

So guess.

Monday, June 6, 2005

Oh no! Not a phone!

Yes Virginia, Russell Crowe threw a telephone. What a fucking badass.

Friday, June 3, 2005

Today's quote

"Sleeping is a prerequisite for tomorrow." -ME

I thought of that for an away message the other night, and I thought it was so good that I had to share it with the world.

Ok bye.

Wednesday, June 1, 2005

I was dead at the time.

"At the time" is now. I've been running around all day like I would if I were a chicken who got decapitated and also stepped on hot coals. Let's see I was at MPT all day doing the intern stuff, running teleprompter, being tired, then I went to work and did menial shit. Now I am home, finally. Hungry as all hell. More tired than the fucking mall. Wait, that made no sense. Wait, yes it did. I'm tired. I need a shower too. I stink.

On top of all this, I've got two people demanding my attention tonight for two different things. Jenna and her wiccan self wants to go to a haunted house, and Lily wants to bowling. It's my own damn fault. I've been so tired lately I stupidly and unknowningly made conflicting plans. Way to go Boz, you're awesome.

I'm in a pickle. It's sticky and unpleasant.