Monday, January 17, 2005

Broke Ass Philanthropist or how I am tired of being the savoir to the world

Apparently my purpose in life is to be the savior to everybody. Every one of my "friends" is fucking poor and they just expect me to fucking take care of them. And I have. When they need to be somewhere, I drive them, willingly, because I care. When they are hungry, I'll take them to get some fast food, willingly, because I care. I do so much for everybody.

Nobody does a damn thing for me. Oh man, do I wish there was someone I could always get gas money from, or someone to take me out to eat and cover the check, or someone to just hand me money, but alas, when you are the savior to the world, nobody will be your savior.

I want to just give up and stop helping other people, but then I'd just get called an asshole, prick, jerk, younameit. What the fuck am I supposed to? I'm not rich. I don't make a million gajillion fucking dollars, what the fuck am I supposed to? And why do my so-called friends expect me to do everything for them? Possibly because I have been.

How do I stop the generosity and make them help themselves? I have no idea how, I could just start saying no and being an ass about it, but that makes me look bad. Again, I don't want to be an ass. One of my other friends who was somewhat generous recently just said "enough!" and stopped helping everybody, but we all thought he was an ass.

If I had money, this wouldn't be a problem. That's just it. I'm the broke philanthropist: world savior. Only thing I'll have when I die is good karma.

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